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trying to forgive

back in october i had a miscarriage with my boyfriend and the dad of my son. while on my way to the er i called him and yes were fighting that week but i told him what was going on and he could care less started questioning if it was even him. well i ended up going a lone and going through the whole thing by myself. then the next morning i found out that he went out and got wasted and i did take him back but in the end i cant forgive him for doing that to me and it still effects me to this day and he doesnt understand guess i'm just looking for advise on if i should just leave him or try to forgive a littl harder

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:56 AM on May. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • The operative word here is "try." That is a setup for failure. You can forgive a person but never forget. Weigh the positive and negatives of the relationship. Determine from there whether it is worth investing more time into. Men deal with issues differently than women and that should be taken into account. No one is all good or all bad and you can't do better until you know better. Sounds like you have to discover just where your boundaries are and draw an unerasable line. Btw, I'm reading an excellent book on "Forgiveness," by Gary Inrig and working with another CM in applying its theories to our lives.

    Ewadun

    Answer by Ewadun at 5:20 AM on May. 23, 2010

  • the bottom line, the ? you have to answer for yourself is do you still want to be w/ him? After all the bs is set aside, how do you truely feel? If you can't forgive him then you're just wasting time holding onto this relationship. GL
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 6:46 AM on May. 23, 2010

  • can you keep reliving the past? What you went through was hard and you did it alone. This will make you stronger as a human but you have to decide if you want to forgive him. Its hard to forgive when the person you forgive really does not believe they did something wrong so i would sit down write it out the pros and cons and work from there. I would also find out what makes you happy and do it. GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:18 AM on May. 23, 2010

  • Forgiveness is pretty easy once you realize that it doesn't mean you forget what he did. Forgiving someone doesn't mean what they did was ok, that you are ok with their behavior or that you will forget what he did. Forgiving doesn't mean you stay with him either. He wasn't there when you needed him the most, I would forgive and walk away. Do what makes you happy and don't worry about him.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:25 AM on May. 23, 2010

  • i do think u r worrying too much about him. sounds as if u need to really get in touch with your own feelings about what happened and what he did when he should hv known u could hv used his support to get thru the procedure at the least.. i would try to talk to a professional about it it u feel unsure or confused about it. then make your decision. if u feel he wont or cant b the person who u want to b with then move on. and dont look back. GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:38 PM on May. 23, 2010

  • Forgiveness is for YOU not for him. People deal with grief in different ways. Maybe being a coward and getting wasted is his way. Sad, but it happens. Forgiving him is the easy part. Accepting him as the jerk he is may be harder.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:05 PM on May. 23, 2010

  • forgiveness means you let go of the anger you have associated with the action - sounds like you may not be all the way there yet. however, if you plan on maintaining the relationship it's a good idea to address the issues that led to the fighting and led to you having to suffer a miscarriage alone, for him to respond the way he did. i'm currently pregnant & early in my pregnancy i started bleeding heavily. on the way to the hospital - which is mere minutes away - my husband and i got in a huge fight - he got out of the car and walked home and left me to go to the ER myself. i was PISSED that he didn't have enough maturity or concern to care about me or the baby. in my husband's case, he suffers severe anxiety and reacts badly - he was already scared about the baby in the first place... he was just scared to death and didn't know what to do. not an excuse, but i know what happened. he was there upset & all couple wks later...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:20 PM on May. 23, 2010

  • I went thru the same thing last month with my boyfriend,I went to my doc to find out the sex of our baby only to find out the baby pass away,he came to my aid,we went to the specialist to confirm the baby did pass,now he wanted me to schedule delivery the sat but I did it fri,however he took me to hospital n sat wit me,then left 4 wrk,he text to see if I was ok and I was so upset @ him I fliped,he never came to the hospital that nite,the next day he came to take me home I was still in shock and disbelief,he has never left my side b4 but he did when I needed him the most,he came around n we talked but I just can't n won't forget wat he did..so I know how ur feeln..
    dajah2681

    Answer by dajah2681 at 8:24 PM on May. 23, 2010

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