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A letter to my futer 8 and 1 year old step sons

I want to write a letter to my 2 future stepsons. Their mom passed away about a year ago and altough their dad and I did not plan on meeting or falling in love, we did. Now we are going to tell them, well his 8 year old, that we are getting married and I want him to know that I don't want to ever replace his mom, but I want to be someone he can trust and count on when he needs someone. Has anyone wrote a similar letter and if so can you give me some ideas?

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rachelmh

Asked by rachelmh at 2:51 PM on May. 23, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (9)
  • I don't think I'd write that. I think I'd look him in the eye and assure him of that. He probably needs to hear it not read it. Say it just like you wrote it here.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:54 PM on May. 23, 2010

  • I completely agree with admckenzie... A letter in this situation is impersonal. He needs your love and affection that you can't really show him in a letter...
    SWEETPEAS3MOM

    Answer by SWEETPEAS3MOM at 3:05 PM on May. 23, 2010

  • i agree. i think you should hold his little face in your hands and tell him those words. look him in his eyes. then give him a hug and hold him. i cant imagine the saddness in his heart for loosing his mother. however, it sounds to me that he is lucky to have you. my step mom was very abusive to me as a kid. it was horrible. good for you for being such a great step momma!!
    Preggydyke

    Answer by Preggydyke at 3:33 PM on May. 23, 2010

  • I don't think there is anything wrong with a letter. When he is sad and hurting he can always look back on it. I would both talk to him in person and say "I wrote a letter for you and anytime you feel angry or sad about this please read it" I would tell him how special you think he is and how bad things happen to good people and it wasn't his fault and that you love him very much and always will as does his birth mom even though she is no longer with you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:35 PM on May. 23, 2010

  • My DH was 2 when his step mom came into the picture, your step sons are too young for a letter. About a year after my DH's mother died, his Step mom married his father. She wrote a letter inside DH's baby book. She tried to fill in the blanks after his mother died (miles stones and such and that was cool) The letter isn't cool though. She wrote about how much his grand parents loved him, and that they were taking care of him until she married his father and she wrote "now I'm your new mommy" His step-mom turned out to be a fruit cake. Abused DH and his sister. When we look at that letter in his baby book now, we thing "what a pampas b^tch".

    I agree with the others, talk to them. If you want to write them a letter for them to read when they are older, then go ahead. But now is not the appropriate time to share a deep-letter with them. And BTW- if you and thier father break up, take the letter with you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:51 PM on May. 23, 2010

  • ** that should have been pompous B^tch ** spell check in word pro messed me up and changed it to pampas, LOL!!

    pomp·ous –adjective

    1.characterized by an ostentatious display of dignity or importance: a pompous minor official.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:53 PM on May. 23, 2010

  • I agree with the first poster and think it would mean a lot more to an 8 year old if you sat down, face to face, and told him everything you just said. A letter would be more appropriate for an older child, like teenager maybe, where its harder to talk to them.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 4:22 PM on May. 23, 2010

  • When me and my husband got married. My kids dad wasnt dead but he might as well been. He had not paid support or heard much from them since our divorced. My two did not take no time at all to call my now husband dad. When we got married it was a family thing. The girls got to walk down the asle and during the cermony he got one knee and promised the girls to love, protect them and always be there for them. The girls decated a the brad paisly song "The man he didnt have to be" It was a little long but it was a beatiful cermony.
    nurdreams

    Answer by nurdreams at 4:35 PM on May. 23, 2010

  • Reach out and hold their hands and just try to tell them what you are expressing in your letter. Reassure them and hug them at the end.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:03 PM on May. 23, 2010

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