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my boyfriend thinks im insulting him if i use words that he doesnt understand!

so...there are definite educational differences between me and my bf. i went to private school, am almost done with college, and i speak very well, even proper if you will, at times. and when he has done something to get on my last nerve, this is when the proper terminology comes out, i am bad about trying to express my feelings without getting angry, and the only way i can do that is if i talk slowly and use a more formal way of explaining how i feel. th bf however, is more of a street minded kind of guy, hes a HS grad but never went to college or anything and doesnt understand a lot of what i am saying, and thinks that when i talk like that im trying to make him feel stupid or belittle him, when im actually trying to keep myself calm. so if i use a word he doesnt understand, instead of asking what i mean or letting me explain, he wants to show me hes just as smart and usually just twists what i say out of context. what to do

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:41 AM on May. 24, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • It sounds like your bf feels like you're treating him like he's stupid. You aren't, but he might feel that way, and the way he reacts is defensive b/c he doesn't want you to think he's stupid. He's handling it poorly, but it sounds like it's just hurt feelings. I wonder, is it possible, when you need to express your feelings, instead of speaking more formally to him, can you take some time to think it through, even write it down, in this more formal way and then try to rewrite it in a more casual way that you can then express to him? You'll calm down with your usual method, but he won't feel insulted, and maybe then he'll be more open and stop twisting what you say. You mention that this is when he gets on your last nerve...maybe don't let things build up to that point. Talk to him before that. One last thought...if you've told him he doesn't understand a lot of what you say, this may have hurt him, too, making things worse.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 9:11 AM on May. 24, 2010

  • Find a boy friend that understands you, or else stay frustrated and unable to communicate with this one.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:46 AM on May. 24, 2010

  • How about banging your head into the counter really hard. You know, so you can drop a few IQ points and make your poor, idiot "bf" feel better.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:56 AM on May. 24, 2010

  • Your question has reminded me of the "Vow of Silence". Did you know that this vow can only be practice by men. Women will never go through such a difficult sacrifice.
    Energ8zr

    Answer by Energ8zr at 8:59 AM on May. 24, 2010

  • I'm in a situation like that. He'll get over it. He knows the gist of what you are saying so tell him to get over himself.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:09 AM on May. 24, 2010

  • Wow, thats why i dated and married a man on my level. We met in college and we understand each other very well. I don't know what to tell you, but you guys are on two completely different levels. Maybe its time to move on and meet someone who went to college as yourself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:27 AM on May. 24, 2010

  • Oh, I understand this issue all too well! My ex husband always accused me of being "condescending" because I used big words. He had such a complex. Even my current husband, who in my opinion is very intelligent, doesn't understand 1/4 of the words I use. I think it's because my mother is an English professor who has a vocabulary to rival the biggest dictionary.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 9:32 AM on May. 24, 2010

  • he's making himself feel stupid, he's to the problems..not you
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 9:33 AM on May. 24, 2010

  • Girl find a man who is on your educational level, or give him some private tutorials to get him on board. It is not your fault that you are more educated than he is, and I will NOT try to use other words so he can understand you. You went to college to improve your brain skills, don't waste it by tucking it somewhere just to please him. Raise your standards a little, and maybe you need to seek other options.
    ambr2006

    Answer by ambr2006 at 9:36 AM on May. 24, 2010

  • I have to agree with your boyfriend!
    You talk to him SLOWLY, and use formally "proper" words. That sounds like you talk down to him. If you are in a relationship, then you have to understand your mate. You have to be able to relate to one another if its going to last. That doesn't mean you have to lower your IQ to have a conversation w/him. That just means give him the same respect that you ask from him. Learn to communicate w/others w/o being emotion. You may be more educated than he is, but when you step out in the professional field, you are going to have to deal w/a variety of clients/customers that have less education/vocabulary than you.

    Golden Rule ( Treat Others How You Wish To Be Treated).
    sugahmamma

    Answer by sugahmamma at 9:58 AM on May. 24, 2010