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this is really personal but i really need some help

i have a 1 year old daughter and about 7 months ago my husbands aunt came over my house and told me that my mother in laws bf sexually aboused her daughter when they were in the pool playing a long time ago. he was a teenager and her daughter was about 10. i talked to my mil and she said that my husbands aunt is crazy and that her bf would never hurt anyone. my mil and her bf have been together for 13 years btw.and he is my husbands cousin.idk its weird. anyways my husband said that he always thought his moms bf was wierd and that he always thought he was gay. i talked to my mil about this and she was very upset that i was scared to let my daughter over her house. me and my husband talked and said that he is sure that it would be fine to let our daughter over there. that was about 7 months ago and we have live in NC since then and they are in WV . we are about to move back home in a month. any advise? what would you do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:14 AM on May. 24, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (11)
  • If your gut is telling you no, then you need to go with that because you wouldn't be able to forgive yourself if something happened to your daughter.

    Answer by lowencope at 10:16 AM on May. 24, 2010

  • I say go with your gut. If you don't feel comfortable with your dd going over there, then don't. It is better to be safe than sorry. Have you met the bf? Maybe once you see things for yourself you will feel better.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:17 AM on May. 24, 2010

  • I would just be extremely catious. Make sure that someone is always with your daughter so that she is never left alone with her b/f. And I think thats all you can really do. If he did do it then you're being careful and if he DIDN'T do it then you are not harming the relationship by saying you dont want him being around your daughter. It's a hard situation but until she is old enough to realize right from wrong i wouldnt ever leave her there alone.

    Answer by LeahsMum at 10:17 AM on May. 24, 2010

  • It's better to be safe than sorry. Most people don't lie about sexual abuse. I would be inclined to believe the aunt. There are no requirements that you leave your kids unattended with anyone ever. You can always be present to supervise. That's totally normal- supervising your children.

    Answer by ecodani at 10:18 AM on May. 24, 2010

  • hmm don't let your child sleep at Grandma's house. Never leave him alone with your child even to go to the bathroom. I simply would say I will not go against what I feel. I do this and people are like your silly. To tell you the truth my gut has never led me astray.

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 10:19 AM on May. 24, 2010

  • You can go there, but never let her out of your sight. Don't ever let there be an opportunity that the 2 of them are alone together.

    Answer by mompam at 10:21 AM on May. 24, 2010

  • If you have ANY doubt in your mind DO NOT allow unsupervised visitation. Can the aunt's daughter confirm or deny the story you heard?? I would never take sexual abuse stories lightly. Made up or not, is it a chance you want to take?? What would I do?? I would not allow my daughter to be alone with anyone accused of sexual abuse. If I did, and it happened, I could never stop blaming myself for allowing it. You don't know that it did or didn't happen, but you do know it has been brought up and that's reason enough IMO. NO unsupervised visits.

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 10:23 AM on May. 24, 2010

  • (THANKS EVERYONE0I agree with everyone.i want to keep my daughter safe no matter what it takes,but i know this will make things hard between my mil and husband again.i guess i just shouldnt car what they think because i know im doing the roight thing. RIGHT? uuuuhhhhh im going crazy.,i just wish everything was normal

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:39 AM on May. 24, 2010

  • My mother convinced me and my sister that all men are potential child molesters so we never allowed men to have the opportunity to harm our children. It doesn't mean they didn't visit family members but not without me or their dad. We were always aware of where the kids were and all males that were around them. We also encouraged our children to tattle, no matter what it was, tell. We could determine if the tattling was silly stuff like "mom, she keeps looking at me!" or if it was important. We also let everyone know we encouraged tattling. That makes them less of a target if people know they might tell. I never allowed my children to spend the night, even with my MIL, until they were old enough to tell me if someone hurt them or touched them.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:46 AM on May. 24, 2010

  • I wouldn't let her over.

    Answer by Shlamoof at 1:34 PM on May. 24, 2010

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