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I don't know if I want any kids...

My husband has one child from a previous marriage that has some special needs. He's a 10 year old boy and his mind is closer to being around 5ish. He's very violent when he doesn't get his way. He's also been violent to his little brother. (Mom had another baby with another man) When we got married, he was 4 and too little to notice anything other than the fact that he was spoiled. When he comes here, my husband works every weekend so I'm the one with him every week and now I can't even take him out into public. We have been trying to have a baby since 2 years after we got married and just now had started going to a specialist but with the fact that we're so busy with him all the time and his needs, I don't feel like we should. But then I get upset because I want my own kids too. Has anyone ever been through this? I just need some helpful advice!

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:46 PM on May. 24, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (2)
  • I haven't been in your exact situation, and you need to do what you feel is right, but I have a 12 year old with autism who is on a 7-8 year old level. I had my 2nd child and was pregnant with my 3rd before he was diagnosed, so I didn't have a choice on whether or not to have them. Having siblings has been really good for him! Yes, I had to watch him when they were young, but they "force" him to interact and learn that the world doesn't revolve around him. When he was 11 I had my 4th and am now pregnant with my 5th.
    Most states have a "medicaid waiver" program where they will send in a one on one worker to help with a child with special needs for a certain number of hours/week. You should definitely look into it! If you are thinking about having kids, having that extra pair of hands would come in handy, but there can be a long waiting list for it.

    Answer by missanc at 3:10 PM on May. 24, 2010

  • I would also encourage you to continue taking him out into public. I have friends in your situation that can't take their child anywhere. I have taken my son out continually since he was a baby and have endured the tantrums, and the people staring - now, I can take him anywhere and know that he will behave appropriately. You don't want to become a prisoner in your own home!

    Answer by missanc at 3:12 PM on May. 24, 2010

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