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i just cant believe husband cheated on me the whole time we were married

my husband's best friend called me last night saying he is tired of the games and the lying and he no longer wants to be a part of this bs. i guess all the time my husband said he was with his friend he really was with some chick, and that my husband tells his friend that im a bitch and he cant stand me. i had a feelin he was cheatin but when i confronted my husband and some of the woman he hangs with they said no, so then i was labled as a crazy husband doesn know i know yet. the friend also asked me to stop by today so he could show me the text my husband sent him braggin about his latest fling. i know im going to leave him, this is the last straw i cant deal with this anymore. i just not sure when i should tell my husband i know. the friend said to wait until i file for divorce and he will back me up when i confront him...
any advice please?


Asked by Anonymous at 3:35 PM on May. 24, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (29)
  • sorry you have to go through this, it sucks, but you know now and have to make a plan for you and your kids

    good thing you are not sleeping with him, do not have to deal with that end, still go get yourself tested

    spring clean, organize-great advice
    get $ in order, make appt to see lawyer, know your rights,

    planning your new life will give you strength

    when you are feeling down and overwhelemed, take a moment to imagine your life life in a year, nothing huge or to specific, just things that make you happy (then refocus plans to get you and your kids there)

    you can do this
    and yes, screw the bastard anyway you feel you want to, BUT do not get catch up in the anger-you being happy is the best way to start your new life
    (and the best revenge)

    take all the time you need before telling him, knowing about it and not telling him will give you time and power (and maybe a smile when he is lying to

    Answer by fiatpax at 3:54 PM on May. 24, 2010

  • op again we just had our 8 yr anniversary

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:36 PM on May. 24, 2010

  • were things really bad or something?? or is this completely out of the blue?

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 3:37 PM on May. 24, 2010

  • wow that is some crazy shiit so sorry i cant imagine what your going through but at least his best friend told you and your not waisting your time anymore with ur husband anymore.. did ya have any kids together?

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:38 PM on May. 24, 2010

  • I am so sorry for this, but I would follow your friends advice, you deserve much better always remember this!

    Answer by older at 3:38 PM on May. 24, 2010

  • Make a plan. Are you going ot kick him out? Can you secure some money from the bank account? Figure out what you are going to do first..see a lawyer. Then tell your husband. Look out for you and your kids first!!

    Answer by ria7 at 3:39 PM on May. 24, 2010

  • op here

    ..he always picks fights with me and blames me for eveything that goes wrong, and we never have sex..its been about 2 yrs since we done anything, when i approach him he pushes me away and says he is tired...

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:40 PM on May. 24, 2010

  • see as many lawyers for consultation in your area as possible. I know some people will tell you that's wrong and unethical, but you need to make sure you take the good one's out of the running for him. When you know you are going to leave and right before you contront him and tell him, take money from your joint account and transfer it to a new account set up with only you on it. your attorney can tell you what you should take, know your finances.
    On a more personal note, get tested since you found out that he has cheated your entire marriage. Test for everything.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:44 PM on May. 24, 2010

  • Sorry can't imagine how frustrating and hurtful that'd feel. :(

    I agree, go file for divorce, start secretly cleaning up things around the house and such toss junk box unused items... tell him you're spring cleaning. Then BAM he's served divorce papers. He'll say wtf? You'll say come on don't act surprised I know about it all. He'd feel dumb I bet, and wonder how long you've known about it. He probably thinks he's super sly.

    Super sorry. Take him to the max, spousal support, anything you can.

    Good luck and I'm sorry for your situation.

    Answer by Skepticchick at 3:45 PM on May. 24, 2010

  • op again
    we have 3 kids together, and as far as a plan im not sure how im gonna do things yet...i do know its done and over. the friend said if i needed help with anything to let him know, him and i were friends for awhile and ive known him longer than my husband.

    its still sinking in...even though im not at all surprised, there were many many red flags and i had that gut feeling but i was in a way im sorta relieved cause i know the truth but at the same time really hurt.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:45 PM on May. 24, 2010