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What do I say when my 9 yr old says

that's not my daddy, that's just the sperm donor. No I do not say this about her bio dad. I call him her bio dad since he has not ever meet her and has stated in court with a recording that he will not ever have any thing to do with her. My husband has raised her since she was 9 mths old and she said that is her dad and the other guy(bio dad) can go to h*ll.


Asked by Anonymous at 5:05 PM on May. 24, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • so she said her sperm donor can go to hell? She has had to hear that or over hear that from you or your dh or either hack into cafemom and read it. I would just let it go.

    Answer by shay1130 at 5:12 PM on May. 24, 2010

  • She picked this up somewhere. Did you every tell you why you and this man choose to have a baby?

    Honestly, I think that a few sessions with a family counselor would be very helpful.

    Answer by rkoloms at 5:10 PM on May. 24, 2010

  • She's only 9- maybe you should just let her feel the way she feels for the time being.
    Sounds like if it's not broken then don't fix it. She understands that BIO dad isn't in the picture, and that her step father is a good man and father.
    Life isn't perfect- I think you could have much bigger problems in this situation-
    If she seems particularly angry about the situation, then maybe she should speak to a counselor.

    at 9 I doubt if she's going to go around saying things like 'I will cherish the image of my bio dad for giving me lovely genes though he has chosen a different path than my life'

    She's happy with the man that is raising her- why not just be happy about that?

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:13 PM on May. 24, 2010

  • Chances are a lot of her friends are in similar situations since many kids grow up with little to no contact with their bio dad, so it's possible she heard that sort of talk from them. She may be feeling abandoned by her bio dad, and that hurts even when you have a loving step-father around. Maybe she's becoming more aware that she has a biological history that is a secret to her and she's lashing out like this because she doesn't really know how to process it or how ask for the details she needs. I think it would be a good idea to sit down and talk to her, and let her know she can ask questions about bio dad without hurting step-dad's feelings. If just talking doesn't help, then family counseling would be a good idea.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:18 PM on May. 24, 2010

  • i have a 10 yr old step daughter
    kids hear much more than we did as kids
    would not surprise me if a 9 yr old know this term

    she sounds pretty justified in her comment
    even healthy with her anger
    but, yes, she could use someone to talk to that is not in the situation

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:37 PM on May. 24, 2010

  • I think you should explain why he is not there. Whatever that may be. Maybe she will understand a little better

    Answer by delilahsmom1177 at 5:59 PM on May. 24, 2010