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does your so/dh help with your baby?

my so doesn't help me when it comes to our son. he plays with him and holds him when i have to do something like cook or pee. he will watch him while i'm making dinner and all that. but when it comes to making his bottles,feeding him,changing him,putting him to bed or getting up when he cries i always have to do this. if our son is fussy he always makes me calm him down. i don't work so i understand that he's tired when he goes to bed but i don't think i should be the only one getting up in the middle of the night to comfort our son. i was wondering if anyone else is in the same boat as me. if so what do you do about it?


Asked by Anonymous at 9:25 PM on May. 24, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • This is actually very common for an S/O to do.
    It is a 50/50 responsibility when it comes to children regardless if you both work or only he works. Due to the fact that your repsonsibility at home is to care for the home and his responsibility is to go to work. However, when you're both home you both become responsible for the children and the home. That is how a household SHOULD work.

    I know my husband works hard at his job, but I work hard taking care of the kids at home too. When he comes home it becomes dual responsibility, because working together we can get things done a lot easier. I do a lot still when he's home, just because I know that I can get them done easier and my way. However, I do ask him to do things and there isn't a "No, because I work all day" excuse allowed in this household. Because so do I, regardless of where my "Job" is. That excuse doesn't fly and I won't tolerate it. He helps out, period.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 10:18 PM on May. 24, 2010

  • Of course he helps... He's giving the kids a bath as I type...

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 9:26 PM on May. 24, 2010

  • I have to ask my husband to help, besides the obvious watch them while i'm making dinner and stuff as you listed.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:28 PM on May. 24, 2010

  • My little one is breast fed and has never take a bottle so my DH can't help with that. Which means he can't get up with her either. But our other kids were bottle fed and we took turns getting up. He will change diapers and get her meals for her too. He also chases her down when she is getting into trouble and holds and comforts her too.

    Answer by SoniaL at 9:29 PM on May. 24, 2010

  • My husband was a great help. I did have to do all the night feedings for the 1st 6 months since I was a "SAHM"/full time student and he was working. But he would tell me not to give him a bath, so he could do it when he got home. He would also change all his diapers and take him to the coffee shop and let me sleep in.

    Now my baby is 19 months old and I am 5 months pregnant, working full time. But he is working 2 full time jobs so I have ALL toddler responsibility and some days it's so hard. My toddle only sleeps through the night 4 out of 7 days.

    Does he know you need help? I've heard from my guy friends that they didn't know what they were doing and didn't want to be in the way.

    Answer by sunshine58103 at 9:33 PM on May. 24, 2010

  • Yes, my husband is huge help! Even though I breastfed and was/am a SAHM, he would get up and bring our son to me to breastfeed and then change his diaper and take him back to bed in the middle of the night. When he's home, he pretty much has "Noah duty" all the time and he loves it. I bet he gave our son more baths in the 1st year than I did, and I know he bathes him more now. He gets up with our son every morning, and always has, so I can get a few extra minutes of rest. On Saturday mornings, he takes our son our for father/son time and has since he was around 6 months old. I would express a bottle or two of breastmilk in preparation so it would be ready and they would take off so I could sleep in. He's a wonderful dad!

    Have you talked to your so about how you feel?


    Answer by missanc at 9:45 PM on May. 24, 2010

  • actually im in the same situation as you. my SO works overnight so hes not here overnight accept for one day a week, but he never helps me with our son & its starting to really piss me off. he refuses to ever change a diaper, i have to practically beg him to feed him for every once in a while. theres times wear ill be sitting there trying to finish eating my dinner, & ill have to stop to go get the baby from playing with something he cant play with or whatever because my SO is on the computer listening to music or something. i feel like im a single mom. he thinks because he works and i dont, he never has to help me with him. it really bothers me because he should want to do things with his son sometimes. & he doesnt seem to realize that, he gets to clock out of his job. i dont. & he has a day off. i dont. & sometimes i just need a little break from always taking care of a child.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 9:51 PM on May. 24, 2010

  • im not sure what im gonna do about it yet.. i know its making me really wonder if i want to have more kids with him.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 9:51 PM on May. 24, 2010

  • i know how you feel purpulbutterfly. my so thinks the same way. since i don't work. i know he loves our son and helps sometimes but it's really frustrating. he thinks it's easy to take care of a baby all day. maybe you should tell him how you feel. i haven't talked to my so about it because i don't want him to think he's a bad father. but i'm going to because i'm not the only one who made our son.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:57 PM on May. 24, 2010

  • the compromise we came to when our dd came was that if he has to work the next day i would do it, but if he didnt those were my nights off. i would pump a bottle and put it in the fridge for the night. as for diapering, he would anytime i ask him to, but i had to ask.

    Answer by jennifer588 at 10:07 PM on May. 24, 2010