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how would you advise your own mom in this situation?

in a nutshell: dad (60) has been cheating on mom (67) for 10 months. We've confronted him and shown him proof (pics and e-mails) and he's promised to stop - this is his 5th chance. He refuses to leave the house but continues his relationship. Wants to have cake and eat it too. My parents are arguing every day, yet my dad will not leave the house, continues to say that he is "committed" to my mom. Right now, mom is giving him the silent treatment, and I am cutting him off - he's not allowed in my house nor will he be allowed to see my new baby girl next month. Divorce is the last resort - after 37 yrs of marriage and at her age, my mom is reluctant. I don't know what else to do - he won't stop, mom can't face divorce, he won't leave the house, they argue every day, he is now at the point where he is swearing at her. It hurts to see my mother going through this, please tell me what you'd do if you were me, and please don't bash.


Asked by Anonymous at 10:46 PM on May. 25, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • She needs to see a lawyer. They'll either force him out of the house, or force the sale of the house. You however, can't make her do anything. 37 years is a long time, & it can be scary to be on your own again after that amount of time. I know this is really difficult for you. My parents divorced after 25 father had also been cheating, my in laws divorced after 33 years, & again my father in law was cheating. If you can take it, try to be there for her, maybe get her to go to some counseling or a support group.

    As for your father, I know how you feel as well. My father & I just started having a relationship again about 3 years ago.....after he left the.....woman......that he finally left my mom for. My mother went through a terrible time. We all really did. It was horrendous.

    I hope you have some support for yourself as well. You should be enjoying the preparation for your new baby not having to deal with this.

    Answer by ohwrite at 3:58 AM on May. 26, 2010

  • why doesn't she leave and stay with you so she can get her barrings. some people wont change.

    Answer by angevil53 at 10:52 PM on May. 25, 2010

  • Yeah, it sounds like she's the one who is going to have to leave. She shouldn't, he should, but unless she divorces him, she can't make him move (even if she can then). Such a sad situation, so sorry!

    Answer by Adelicious at 10:55 PM on May. 25, 2010

  • Divorce, absolutely. She will get a pretty sweet alimony deal. But she needs to get OUT.

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:01 PM on May. 25, 2010

  • I think your Mom suffers from low self esteem and being use to a situation. This is not a healthy situation for anyone involved. I pray that your Mom see that she is worth more and that life does not stop because you are single and over 60. There is nothing like a piece of mind. I hope all works out well for you and your family. They do need some seperate time apart to see what they really mean to each other and what they need.

    Answer by nikki1012009 at 11:42 PM on May. 25, 2010

  • I would honestly tell my mom "You either sh*t of get off the pot." lol I would remind her that she didnt raise a fool, and cuz of her guidance I will not be taken advantage of, and neither should she. She has 2 reasons, one is to leave and find someone wothy of her love/be alone, second reason she could stay with him, be cheated on and live her life that way. Whatever she chooses is her decision, shes a grown woman, and whatever she decides she will always have my love and support.

    Answer by navajomama7 at 11:47 PM on May. 25, 2010

  • It's his house too so he shouldn't have to leave it. Tell her to leave if she wants to leave the marriage. The cheating is probably just sex so unless she's doing the do with him she should just live life like she's always done. As far as you are concerned, give me a break. You will keep your child away from his/her grandfather because he is living his own life? What other temper tantrums do you throw? Hard to believe you are going to be a mom when you have such a childish outlook. Let mom and dad deal with their own situation. Be supportive. All that fighting with you and mom is probably why he found someone who doesn't fight with him all the time. Learn from it and maybe the OW will go away. Mom can win him back if she stops the fighting and treats him with the respect he's getting from the OW. Tell her to beat the OW at her own game instead of pushing him back to her emotionally.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:55 AM on May. 26, 2010

  • Anon above me sounds like she may be the OW in a relationship.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:17 AM on May. 26, 2010

  • I agree with anon 1:17. Or she's somebodies other woman!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:26 AM on May. 26, 2010

  • If you need someone to talk to, send me a message.

    Answer by ohwrite at 3:58 AM on May. 26, 2010