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Step child vs your child

Has anyone ever had their DH, bf, DF, etc, push ur child away & favor their other child, ur step kid? I had this happen with our DS & i just never understood why. My bf wanted to have a baby with me a year into our relationship & he hoped for a boy! He had a daughter from a previous relationship. Well i did get pregnant after much coaxing & we were blessed with a boy! But from the moment i was pregnant he immediately showed favoritsm for his daughter & from that point on it continued. He even said he didnt love our DS when he was born. :( That he had a bond with his daughter & didnt feel any bond yet with DS. It pretty much crushed me inside & i never knew this was even possible. I am just wondering if I am alone or has anyone else experienced this & how did u handle it? As u can imagine it ruined any relationship between me & SD which had been an amazing one! I resent him and SD tons! I never gave him a reason to do this.

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:41 AM on May. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • Personally, I wouldn't be able to handle that. If I knew that my husband didn't love my (his own) son, I'd pack up and leave. His favoritism is going to SEVERELY affect your son as he gets older. I would sit your husband down and tell him flat out that his behaviour is unacceptable. Tell him that you can't force him to love his own child, but that doesn't mean that you have to stay and put up with it either. Ask him if he even wants visitation when you leave and take it from there. I'd also look into getting your son some counseling because this will be a problem for him as he gets older no matter what happens. Knowing that your father doesn't love or want you is traumatizing.


    Answer by Anonymous at 8:03 AM on May. 26, 2010

  • I can't imagine what it would feel like, but obvisiously it sucks. I hope you make the right decision for your child. Also you shouldn't resent your step-daughter. It's not her fault. She didn't force your husband to love her more. It was all on him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:29 AM on May. 26, 2010

  • Is he still your boyfriend, or are you married now? If not, I would leave. Your child deserves parents (two of them) that love him unconditionally. If you aren't married, it was a horrible decision to have a child with a man that isn't your husband. Accidents happen, but you planned for your baby.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:39 AM on May. 26, 2010

  • OP HERE- i posted this question also on general parenting section & i responded there. For last poster, my question has nothing to do w/ marriage. This could have happened being married or not! N yes hes still my bf! we were engaged shortly after i got pregnant but w/ all the problems we broke up & later got back together. I havent talked about marriage or engagement unless i know all problems can be fixed, & thats most importantly w/ DS. Its not like i got pregnant on accident & he feels this way cuz he wasnt ready for another baby or felt i trapped him in any way. He wanted a baby w/ me. He coaxed me into getting pregnant. Not ur average story. N not an accident where its easy to label well dad just wasnt ready for another baby so he resents both mom n baby. Either way there was no way for me to ever know he was going to be a crappy dad to our DS while he was an amazing one to his daughter.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:28 PM on May. 26, 2010

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