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Who is wrong in this? Help decide.

Hubby is angry because I wrote some "Angry" Things about him in my diary when I was upset over something he did. I wrote that he was so stupid and that he didn't act like he cared about his kids or our relationship. I am angry that he read my private diary in the first place. I told him I needed a place to vent so that I wouldn't blow up in his face and makes things worse and he says that I am a liar because of what I wrote and that I had no right to say any of those things. He also said that he had a right to read my diary because it was about him.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:22 AM on May. 26, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • HE is wrong 100%. I swear to God, if my husband read my diary I would feel so betrayed and I don't know if I'd even want to look at him again after that. That is your personal book, he has NO right to even touch it. I don't care if you wrote that he's a complete douche wad (which in this instance he is), he has NO right to read it, NONE. I doubt you'll get him to see that's he's wrong though, guys that can't respect their wives privacy usually never get any better. I'm sure he's perfectly happy treating you like your feelings don't matter. Uggg...I'm furious for you!!

    -xoxo-

    Answer by -xoxo- at 8:27 AM on May. 26, 2010

  • I think your Hubby was definitely wrong. A journal or diary is private. Those are thoughts never meant to be shared. If I were you I would be extremely upset with him for invading what was a personal space for me. I think if I were you, I would sit him down and talk to him, I would tell him that some people reason things out internally, for me, I need to write it down to work my way through it. Him holding you accountable for what you vent about in your diary, would be, in my opinion, no different than you getting mad at something he thought but never said.
    mommy11260

    Answer by mommy11260 at 8:30 AM on May. 26, 2010

  • You are both wrong, you shouldn't keep secrets from each other, if you needed to vent about his actions, if you find it easier to do it in writing then do so and let him read, this is a great communication tool. Apperantly he thought reading your diary would answer some of his questions, since you had not vented to him about your feelings. I tell you, communication is the sharpest tool in any commited relationship use it wisely. Do not hold on to negative feelings in any situation let them air and let them be known, or else they will come back to haunt you like they did in your case.
    older

    Answer by older at 8:31 AM on May. 26, 2010

  • Maybe she wasn't keeping secrets? Maybe she was venting so she could get the anger out on paper and then think rationally about the situation.. Seriously, would you want someone to tell you that you are stupid and worthless just because they were angry, or would you want that person to be calm so they can talk to you like an adult.. Have you never said anything hurtful out of anger and then regretted it later?
    No, she wasn't keeping secrets..

    OP, your husband was wrong.. Period..
    Ren_Ren

    Answer by Ren_Ren at 8:44 AM on May. 26, 2010

  • Although I do feel your diary is your sanctuary and it shouldn't be violated, he as the right for YOU to TELL HIM any qualm you have in your relationship. If you already have said these things and he doesn't listen....then he doesn't have a right to complain that it's BS or whatever his complaint is about you writing it down in a private place!
    Tell him it's better you write it there then complain to people such as your mother or whoever is around! lol
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:47 AM on May. 26, 2010

  • First off he was wrong cause that was your privet space and he should not be reading it , on the other hand you should sit him down and talk to him when your mad at him. If writing helps write it down first to get your thoughts in order and then talk to him. Now if you tried to talk to him and he doesn't listen then thats another matter.
    countrygirl06

    Answer by countrygirl06 at 8:55 AM on May. 26, 2010

  • He's wrong. I completely disagree with the ones saying you should have told him those thoughts. Once you say something to someone, it's out there and you can't take it back. Telling him he's stupid and worthless in the heat of anger leaves those words lingering in his mind even when the anger is gone and you no longer feel that way. It's better that you write them in a journal, that he should normally never see. It's not keeping secrets. And for the record, I'm against keeping secrets as well. I think it's wrong. But this is not keeping secrets; this is avoiding making him feel worse and saying things you can't take back. He should have respected that small amount of privacy and not read your diary. Now if you were writing all the problems in the relationship in there, and not telling him, still wrong for reading it, but he would have a point then.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 8:55 AM on May. 26, 2010

  • LOL..OMG...he is SOooooo WRONG!! If he can't handle the truth of how you may feel sometimes then he should steer clear of reading your personal thoughts. If he can't get over what you wrote, then thats his problem. He shouldn't have been being nosey enough to read it in the first place.Writing is a way of expression that is healthy and helps a person to vent and sort out thier feelings. If I were you, I would find a better hiding spot for it. Tell him if he wants to know how youre feeling and really cares to know the truth...then simply ask you, don't go behind your back and read somethign as personal as a persons diary and then expect explanation for it.
    What a turd,lol.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 9:07 AM on May. 26, 2010

  • I think that communication is key in marriage, so I think it's kind of wrong to keep secret feelings and thoughts to yourself. I think that in marriage you need to talk through things, not go and write a bunch of things about the other person with no plans of disclosing those thoughts to him. I've often went and wrote my husband a letter when I was very angry just to get my thoughts organized and so I could read it several times and be careful of my words rather than just fighting with him, but I gave it to him and had him read it, sometimes when you're at a wall in communication, that helps, after you've both calmed down, but the diary isn't really good for anyone. Do you want your kids to read that later in life when you're dead and they're grown up? Just think about that when you are writing.... I know everyone deals with things differently, but this is my opinion. I think this type of thing can weaken a marriage. Good luck
    AshleyBDG

    Answer by AshleyBDG at 9:14 AM on May. 26, 2010

  • At least you weren't posting it on facebook like I do, lol. Its not like you were going to show anybody else what you wrote. He should be happy you don't say those things to other people and just write it down in your own personal book... He shouldn't touch your things. He was wrong, you were right...
    MJ_BN_FE

    Answer by MJ_BN_FE at 9:38 AM on May. 26, 2010

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