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How do I get my mother in law to give me a little credit for what I do.

I am a proud mother of 4 and also expecting the end of July. I work a full 40 hrs. a week and my hubby is a stay at home dad who is taking online classes and his mother keeps telling him that he needs a break. A break from what from wathching his own children. I work from 8am to 4:30 pm and when I get off I go home clean make supper spend time w/my children and you know what I am proud of myself because I'm doing it and she don't appreciate it instead she tries to make it worse for all of us by telling him " He needs a break", so when she tells him that he goes out gets drunk and doesn't get home until the nex day sometime, and this makes it harder on me because I now have the trouble of finding a baby sitter and having to be late for work just because she tells him he needs a break. LoL am I crazy or what. I just need a little appreciation for what i'm doing, and i need her to realize that she needs to just thank me for it.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:36 AM on May. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • She doesn't need to thank you but she needs to quit butting in and babying your husband and pulling this crap. I don't know how to get it to stop. My MIL is the same way. Men are pansies when it comes to their mothers.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:39 AM on May. 26, 2010

  • I dont think your MIL needs to thank you for what you are doing. It would be nice but it is your job..many people dont get thanked for going to work. I am a single mom and i work as well..no one thanks me. It would go a long way but I do what I do for my family because it is the right thing to do. If your husband is complaining then maybe he does need a break. the break should be something besides getting drunk. He must be saying something to her for her to think he needs a break. Does he have a hobby? Does he have time to himself on the weekends? Do you get a break? Mayeb you should take turns giving eachother a break and also get a babysitter and go on date night with your hubby. You are working hard and hubby should show appreciation and you should appreciate him watching the kids. outsiders won thank you for taking care of your family but it would be nice!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:41 AM on May. 26, 2010

  • Well I gotta be honest I dont think she is saying she doesnt apreciate you, but he probably does need a break. You think that stay at home moms dont need a break sometimes? Well your husband does too, but I do think you should talk to him about it,and make sure he comes home and doesnt stay out all night, that would bother me. Plus it is his mom, she probably cares more about him then you, and focuses more on him than you, it doesnt mean she doesnt apreciate you. Maybe you need a break too, but he deserves it too. Why does she have to thank you for it? Really I just dont get it, my mom doesnt thank my husband for working, I do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:42 AM on May. 26, 2010

  • Think about the bond you have with your own children. You will always defend them and be on their side, right? She is doing just that. He probably whines "I dont get enough me time, mommy." Just remember all you do, and that you work hard too.
    ABusyBee

    Answer by ABusyBee at 11:43 AM on May. 26, 2010

  • Oh honey, I would prepare her that the next time that he pulls a stunt like that, you will be dropping the kids off at her doorstep so that YOU can go to work, since he clearly needs a break....and I would follow through!!!
    MamaRoberts

    Answer by MamaRoberts at 11:43 AM on May. 26, 2010

  • Surprise her one day and you and your DH take all of your kids to her house for a sleepover. You and your DH go out to dinner and have a nice relaxing evening without the kids. Be sure that when you drop your kids off at her house to thank her for the idea of taking a break. The two of you surely need it. ;o) Kill her with kindness, but teach her gently to stop sticking her nose where it doesn't belong.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:45 AM on May. 26, 2010

  • You need to let it go. Stop worrying about getting validation from your MIL. Your husband is HER child. Her job is too look after him. If she feels he needs a break, of course she's going to encourage that.

    As for your situation, you deserve breaks too. But that has nothing to do with your MIL. This is something you need to work out with your husband. Your focus on your MIL needs to stop. You need to work on getting your husband to respect and appreciate you and let him know he needs to have your back when dealing with his mother.
    ThrivingMom

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 11:46 AM on May. 26, 2010

  • Why do you care what she thinks about you? I would be more concerned about the effect she has on her son if she is contributing to him thinking he should go out and get drunk. Him getting drunk is the problem.


    Being a SAHD with 4 kids would be tough and he may need a break. Getting drunk isn't the kind of break he needs. If she thinks he needs a break then she could help him.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 11:46 AM on May. 26, 2010

  • Face it! she is not going to appreciate YOUR hard work. SOME moms are way too involved in their SONS life. (You are the other woman.) Anything to make your life harder so that his can be easier. Thinking eventually you'll give him up and she can get him back. It's up to the husbands w/these kinds of mothers to respectfully put them in their "place". Your concern should be about your husband staying out all night drinking knowing you have to go to work to support all of you.good luck!
    MomInc

    Answer by MomInc at 11:58 AM on May. 26, 2010

  • "so when she tells him that he goes out gets drunk and doesn't get home until the nex day sometime, "

    THAT is a marriage breaker.

    You will NEVER get her to do what you want. NEVER NEVER NEVER.

    However, HE needs to stop this binging.

    And yes, give him a break occasionally. YES, stay at home parents need a break. Staying home is harder work than being in the working world. Done BOTH..working out of the home is FAR easier and that's why I do it now.

    So. Give him Saturday afternoons to himself. Tell him getting sloshed and not coming home is NOT acceptable. But give him a few hours for softball or something along those lines.

    And DEFINITELY do what MamaRoberts suggested.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:01 PM on May. 26, 2010

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