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What's it like fostering children?

What's the standard amount of time you have them? Is there a way to have them permanently placed in your home? We'd love to make a difference to a child or two. We're starting the application process, but I'm pretty nervous. Can anyone give me any helpful advice or information?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:11 PM on May. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • I'm not sure if I can really answer from the proper perspective you're looking for, but when I was in college, living at home but commuting in for school, my parents went into fostering. My sis and now ex-bro-in-law had a situation in which their son was taken away, placed in foster care (they lived hours from family and not sure exactly why he wasn't released to family and immediately went to foster care). My parents did get guardianship over him (so he couldn't go to any other foster care homes) and after my sis cleaned up her act, they slowly worked through processes they set up for her to ensure it wouldn't happen again, before they allowed guardianship to transfer over to her. I think it took around six months (at least) before they were granted full guardianship over my nephew, court dates and all.....
    pd4now82

    Answer by pd4now82 at 3:19 PM on May. 26, 2010

  • ...as far as how long foster kids are there...it varies. We had four kids (they didn't want to split the kids up yet and trying them all together testing them out, but it was difficult - one child was mentally disabled assumably from abuse, another was born with fetal alcohol syndrome, while the two older ones were fine but had major behavioral issues from their home before being placed in foster care). We had them for two months before it was too much for my Mom and they were placed in another home. Then we had a single teenager stay with us for about six or eight months and I think she left more because my parents had decided to work their way out of being foster parents since they had guardianship over my nephew....it was hard on my Mom since the kids all have different problems just from being in foster care, etc. They'd done it before, before I was born, but dealing with their issues was hard on my Mom in her older age.
    pd4now82

    Answer by pd4now82 at 3:31 PM on May. 26, 2010

  • It IS great, I won't deny that....there were times that we really enjoyed having the kids around and enjoyed life --- but it is also very difficult. because of helping the kdis with their different needs and issues they have from being in foster care alone (they can feel neglected by their family, let down by their own parents, feel like being from house to houselike they're never going to have a sense of family or home, they're always the new one at schools, etc. I spent time talking with the teenager that stayed with us. She hung with the drugees, near gang members, and street walking kids at school/neighborhood because she identified more with them than other peers at school, etc. The 4 kids we dealt with above had a male dominant authoritative person at thier house before foster care so they listened to Dad great but were EXTREMELY emotionally and verbally abusive to my sis, mom, and me, etc. they'd beat on US...
    pd4now82

    Answer by pd4now82 at 3:58 PM on May. 26, 2010

  • There's a disconnect in areas with them that aren't so much with kids that come from a solid family history/background. So I won't lie and say it's all pretty flowers and sweet cookies, becuase it's not, but is it worth the time and end the in make you glad you did it - absolutely! :-) You just got to be tough, and my Mom is a softy, so she wasn't cut out for it. I, as a 19 yr old, was doing more of the discipline and connecting work that way with the kids than my Mom, because she had trouble with it and wouldn't be firm, but I was able to and they'd listen to and work with me (some of the time at least, if they responded to any of us women.....) Now....if you get a say as to what age/type/etc kid come and goes, I don't know, that was more with whatever Mom and Dad had set up, and I KNOW my Dad has a heart for the hard-to-reach children.....but the problem was, he was rarely home to be able to help WITH them....at that time
    pd4now82

    Answer by pd4now82 at 4:02 PM on May. 26, 2010

  • I'm not expecting a cake walk... but I'm hoping to be able to help at least one child. I am not familiar with the foster system, but it seems like a solid thing to be a part of. I know there are a lot of bad foster parents out there, but we won't be one of them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:47 PM on May. 26, 2010

  • :-D It is great, but not for light of heart...and DEFINITELY worth it. I'm sure there's great kids out there and not as difficult as what I experienced. It's certainly not for every parent, and I commend you (and I assume DH) for your willingness to step up and foster these children. :-) I didn't want to scare you, but didn't want to sugar coat it either.
    pd4now82

    Answer by pd4now82 at 4:53 PM on May. 26, 2010

  • I appreciate the honest answer. I figured as much.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:51 PM on May. 26, 2010

  • Thank you :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:51 PM on May. 26, 2010

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