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Virbal abuse....anyone else with this frastation

My husband has anger issues and virbal abusive. He's working on it but I can never find others in the same boat. He's not phy.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:49 PM on May. 26, 2010 in Health

Answers (6)
  • There might be a group on here that has other ladies going through verbal abuse.
    I imagine it can be frustrating. Just ask yourself "If he really willing to change, or is he just saying that to appease me?" Because if he really isn't willing to change, then you're only in a situation that will get worse. Verbal abuse often leads to physical abuse.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 5:52 PM on May. 26, 2010

  • Trust me, there are thousands out there in the same situation, maybe they just haven't fessed up yet, or maybe you really have run into any, but either way, they are out there. It is the same as physical abuse. Sometimes I wish my husband would have punched me in the face instead because some of the things he has said to me hurt so bad.

    We have gone to counseling before and that has helped, but what has really mellowed him out is just plain 'time'. He is a lot different than he was 20 years ago. I had to stand up for myself (I don't mean be verbally abusive back, I mean tell him you won't stand for him treating you that way.) When you can calmly talk to him, he needs to know that his children are learning disrespect for you and that this behavior is okay to use as adults. If you have sons, they will grow to be the same way and may push it to physical abuse in their relationships. I know it can be scary. Good luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:44 PM on May. 26, 2010

  • Me. We've been battling it for quite some time. My husband is my best friend, I love him, he's a great father, and he has anger issues and when they flare up he can be mean, really mean. He knows he has this problem and has been to counseling a few times over the course of our relationship, we've gone together too. The only reason I stay is his committment to changing himself, and he has improved and tremendous amount since we first got together, things are very different today than they have been. I'm not saying he's 'cured' but he has tools now that helps a great deal, flare ups are fewer and further between and not nearly as explosive. We've been working on it for 12 years. Any questions I'll be happy to help =)
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 8:25 PM on May. 26, 2010

  • Same here gramsmom. He's just now aware the p/hy and verbal abuse he grew up on. It took him 41 years to relise it. He's just now starting with anger management, depression, parenting classes, etc.. We want to send him to a 6 week program at a live in. Sadly, medi-cal/medicade doesn't cover it. OK, dumn...most these people on medicade and such are the ones who needs the most help. Go figure. He has full support he's never had now; my family that raised me as a nuturing kind. My mom is a school teacher and via church as well. He's seen the diggerence and now wants that!

    Also, my daughter from my previos marrage may have ADHD. Since that was brought up, my husband has been more understanding towards my daughter. She's 7.
    Tenn78

    Answer by Tenn78 at 8:46 PM on May. 26, 2010

  • My hubby is verbal/emotional. He can be REALLY mean and condescending. It was how he was raised... that's how his family communicated when angry... so it was "normal" for him. I can't blame his mom for running out on them and going psycho.
    He is starting counseling next week (so glad). I called to make the appt. and they wouldn't let me make it for him. I seriously had to pester him to call, but finally he did. It is really hard, sometimes, to deal with it. it makes me not want to have sex with him, and then he gets irriated over that. But he knows he has a problem and wants to change. Basically, last year I told him if he doesn't change I'm leaving b/c it isn't right for me to be treated that way and my son to witness it and learn that. he did ok on his own for a couple months then fell back into it. So now its counseling for sure. if you need any support, you can PM me too!
    missbreezy214

    Answer by missbreezy214 at 9:02 PM on May. 26, 2010

  • I'm the poster btw! I hid it on the top and then I replied and wasn't private! lol! You guys are welcome to add me. We all need to stick together for ideas, support and even vent moments! I had no idea so many were in the same boat. They always say phy abuse when looking for support groups and no verbal abuse groups. Not even on facebook.

    also, he has never phy hurt me or the kids. It's been like this the whole 4+ years i've known him. What he does it build up his anger/tightness/depression/fears and then snaps 4 days later and it last a bad 1 or 2 days. I'd say as of now, hes having 1 bad day a week of 7 days. He used to be negitive for 4+ days. He can't handle stress and real daily life but is learning. We even have a case worker that comes to our home. She helps a lot.
    Tenn78

    Answer by Tenn78 at 9:30 PM on May. 26, 2010

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