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Grandparent's involvement

We live 6 hours from almost all of our family and since we adopted our son almost a year ago (we also have a baby on the way) everyone just expects us to bring him to them to visit. Some family members ask when they can meet him etc.. And I am always trhinking, You can come here too!! We have brought him there to visit twice and only one family memeber has come here to see him. Now I know it's been only a year but we are already getting questions about when we are coming back so everyone can meet the baby? I want our kids to know their family but I feel no obligation to bring them to family all the time. Is this wrong? Shouldn't my parents who fly all over already on a plane maybe come here once and a while too?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:33 PM on May. 26, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • Yeah they should visit you too.

    Answer by KairisMama at 6:50 PM on May. 26, 2010

  • why don't you just tell them that you want them to come there?

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:53 PM on May. 26, 2010

  • Have a Christening or baby naming where you live and invite them all to come.

    Answer by onethentwins at 8:55 PM on May. 26, 2010

  • They should visit too. I get very frustrated with family who don't feel like they also have some responsibility to travel, especially considering none of the ones who want us to drop everything every weekend, and that is no exaggeration, run to their house no matter how far from us they are have no small children. Or even children at home at all for that matter. And if you do tell them to come visit you and they throw a fit or try to send you on a guilt trip, I totally sympathesize. We got that so much and finally had to stop giving in. That is when they learn to compromise with you. Good luck.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 10:28 PM on May. 26, 2010

  • I live 1 1/2 hours from my family(not as much as 6) but I do not drive. They all ask me when are you bringing Delilah down. We miss her. I understand my grandma can't because she has nerve damage in her leg and does not like driving long by herself. So understandable. But my aunts and cousins won't and it's not right. My mom lives up here(upstate NY) like 20 mins away so when she goes down I go with her. All that but they have NEVER seen where I live and I moved into my own (with a roommate) almost 1 year ago!

    Answer by delilahsmom1177 at 10:52 PM on May. 26, 2010

  • It is a two way street. So they have a choice, if they want to be active, involved, and a good relationship with the children it would benefit for them to visit as often as they can. But the flip side is sometimes extended family wants a good level of contact but, are in fact, lazy. So they expect or come up with excuses as to why you should be the one to travel. Traveling with one or more children can be very difficult. Sometimes families just don't see how this is such a big deal to travel and come to them. That is hard. When your a parent of a child through adoption (I'm also an adoptive mother) sometimes we also question if the extended relatives truly feel committed to this child and to developing an ongoing strong relationship. I would say give the benefit of the doubt and privately lable them as clueless and lazy. Unless they have other grandchildren they do visit. Then there is a serious issue.

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:18 PM on May. 26, 2010

  • I feel your pain. I live in Texas and all my extended family is in CA. My Dad tells me I was the one who moved so I should be the one to come back to CA to visit. He did offer to come here in March but I found out it was for a big Race event and when I suggested he come during his grandaughters spring break he said that wasn't a good time. It has taken my husband 18 years to get it through my head but OUR family consists of ME, HIM and our DAUGHTER, we do what makes us happy. When we have the money we fly to CA but we do what we want to do and visit who we want. The only relatives I will go out of my way for are the elderly or homebound and those who can't afford to travel. If they travel and have the money then they should come see us.

    Answer by millie2112 at 12:58 AM on May. 27, 2010

  • We used to drive to my husband's family all the time. When we lived close by it was no problem. When we moved an hour away, it was still no problem. Now that we live 2 1/2 hours away and still attempt to visit whenever we can, not one of them has EVER come to visit US in all the years (over 19) that we have been together and have had children.
    My husband and I brought our granddaughter down to meet his father when she was 2 months old. Him and his wife hugged and kissed her to death...cuddled and loved her to pieces! Not once have they sent her a gift or come up to visit her, though. {sigh}

    Answer by PrydferthMenyw at 3:56 PM on May. 29, 2010

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