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How do I cheer her up?

My daughter is almost 15 and her dad and I seperated almost a year ago. The situation is very good, we broke up on very good terms and we are more than ok spending time together and we're not just doing that for our daughter, we're really good friends now.
Our daughter has been unwilling to spend any time with us since we broke up, we get into a fight every time she's supposed to visit her dad and she's always looking for a chance to tell us off. We're sat her down and talked to her plenty of times but she doesn't want to understand. We also tried a psychiatrist for 3 months but he said we have to work it out.. and that's pretty much all the help he offered to us for $50/hour!!

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:35 PM on May. 26, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (4)
  • You can't and you can't push the situation on her.

    You two have broken her heart in half. Her life will never be the same and the way she looks at relationships.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:42 PM on May. 26, 2010

  • I'd say let her make some choices. Tell her she can spend time with you if she wants and can visit or spend time with her father when she wants. Maybe she feels like she has no control over what happened and has no say in anything. I know when I dealt with this situation when I was a teenager I felt completely out of control and forced to go along with my parents plan for visits and such. I was resentful and didn't want anything to do with the two of them. Granted they got back together after about a year.... I just know that teenagers like to feel like adults and want to make their own decisions.... let her feel like she has a little more control (even if it isn't true)

    Answer by kaylan010 at 10:45 PM on May. 26, 2010

  • Anon at 10:42 PM
    That is a terrible thing to say. You can't tell a woman that she changed her daughter's life forever (in a bad way) and she can do nothing about it.
    I agree with kaylan010. My parents seperated when I was 16 and when my mom starting treating me like an adult I started acting like a mature daughter who understood that if two people can't live together, they don't have to. It took me more than a year to realise but all I needed was time and patience.

    Answer by pipermomofash at 10:50 PM on May. 26, 2010

  • I agree with letting her think she has more control. Try asking her what she wants to do. I also don't believe that she will
    never look at relationships the same." and that her "heart is broken in half." Sadly, in this day in age, divorce is pretty common. It will take her time to get used to the idea, but she will be fine int he long run.Also, try pointing out the possitive aspects. Such as: she gets to set up two bed rooms, etc. Little things like that actually got me excited when my parents got a divorce. It's really great that you and your ex are getting along well. My parents got along very well when they split up, and it made me see that neither of them are bad people, they just weren't meant to be together. They still get along well tot his day, and it's great. My dad even hangs out with my step dad. There is no tension. Try not having a strict schedule at first, and letting her see who she wants, when she wants.

    Answer by GingerMom33 at 10:55 PM on May. 26, 2010

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