Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Having a baby was the greatest thing I've ever done..but the worst thing for my relationship. Advice?

I do not regret my dd by any means but my relationship with my so is crazy right now. I feel like he never wants to be around me. He says he "loves me" but doesn't sound real, when he touches me it isn't a romantic touch it's weird it how everything has changed! He told me today that he doesn't think I joke around because that's not who I am anymore..wtf? Who does he think I am? He would waayyy rather hang out with his brother (who lives with us) than me..all day..every day. I feel like I'm being judged living in my own house and when I talk to him about it he tells me I'm crazy and how much he loves me and yadda yadda. He is always in a bad mood and never talks to me about anything. I don't know what to do to either get him to share his true feelings or get our relationship back to normal. Any advice? And only nice advice I hate asking for help and get mean responses!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:51 PM on May. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • my advice: make the brother move out!!!!! i can pretty much promise things will change a lot.
    jennifer588

    Answer by jennifer588 at 11:55 PM on May. 26, 2010

  • The baby has more than likely changed you both. It takes time adjusting from the "free" life to living for someone else. How long ago did you have the baby? Could you be going through some kind of depression? He will worm up with time...and you should try to help it along with love and kisses. Men are like kids in away. He might not know how to act right now. You are going to have to put forth the effert to make it the same agian. My husband would get distant from me after I had each of our kids cause he wanted all the attention (like a kid) and felt like I wasn't showing him any love. Never mind that we have a baby that needs fed and changed and held. They don't see that...they only see what they aren't getting. Just shower him with loving touches and kisses and googly eyes. Its stupid, but it usually works.
    GotToHaveFaith

    Answer by GotToHaveFaith at 12:00 AM on May. 27, 2010

  • OP: Our dd is almost a year and a half..and it just keeps getting worse! He gets to sleep in every morning while I get up with her, and if I am watching over her he feels like he gets to go do whatever he wants like hang out outside with his brother or play video games. I want to hang out as a family and all play together as a family! It's strange it's like he feels like he doesn't need to be with us since I'm there to watch her so he doesn't stay with us. Idk he is a great father and does a lot for our family it's just weird. He is just always in a bad mood and acts mad at me and I can't decide why..it's making me feel like I'm doing something wrong but i don't know what to do to make him feel better, plus I don't want to "change" who I am just to make him feel better.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:06 AM on May. 27, 2010

  • Men are shit. My husband only started to a "father" cause he hit strike three and wanted me to stay. You need to tell him what you think and make him listen. I fallowed my old man around from room to room bitching till he started to listen. Make your point clear. Maybe you should leave for a week to show him that you're not kidding. When I had my first and was pregnant with my second, my husband didn't take what I said to heart. So I left a note by the bed and told him that I was leaving for a week, but I'd be back. That he need to think about what I said, cause next time I wouldn't come home. He was pissed but I got my point across. It might not work that way for everyone. He could not want you to come back...but better to know now then down the road right. I wish I knew what to say...I hope everything pans out.
    GotToHaveFaith

    Answer by GotToHaveFaith at 12:15 AM on May. 27, 2010

  • It's not you. It's HIM. Sorry, he doesn't qualify as a great father right now. COUNSELING. Insist on it, or he will only have his brother to live with. At this moment you don't have a marriage or a family, just a bunch of people who are living together.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:58 AM on May. 27, 2010

  • I went through the same thing. It was my emotions and my husband didn't do very well at just giving me my space when I needed it or understood that I was just grumpy for a second. Counseling, dates with just the two of you. Communications.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:31 AM on May. 27, 2010

  • Your situation is very typical, especially for couples who are not married. You have a baby now and you want to be a family. Your man friend did not sign up to act like a husband and father. He enjoys the single life, which is why he doesn't want to be married. To commit to marriage is to accept responsibility for husbanding and fathering. He has not done that, but you desire for him to behave as if he has. He can't tell you that, so he will turn it around on you and make it your fault. The truth is that you have changed. You are a mother now and your priorities are different than they were when you didn't have a child. He has remained the same person he was before, but either you didn't see it or you chose to overlook it. Hanging out with the guys is what single men do. Married men stay home because there is a woman there who is of a higher priority than are the guys, and he has chosen her over everyone else.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:08 AM on May. 27, 2010

  • DON'T go out and get married in hopes of improving this. I am married and I can tell you that my husband acts just like your SO, except he has his friends over 24/7 instead of a brother. GotToHaveFaith pretty much summed it all up, seriously.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:23 AM on May. 27, 2010

  • Sounds like the two of you aren't compatible anymore. He seems to be unhappy!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:27 AM on May. 27, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN