Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Is it right, or "normal," for a mom to want to take the father of her child off child's birth certificate so that her mother can her adopt her?

1. the mother of the child is a VERY mousy woman with little power in her own relationship with her own adoptive mother.
2. the adoptive mother is the one trying to push all of this through.
3. the father of the child is not allowed to see his child because of the child's supposed "grandmother"

Answer Question
 
Always_Hopeful

Asked by Always_Hopeful at 11:55 PM on May. 26, 2010 in Adoption

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • The only way to take him off would be to prove that he isn't the father through DNA or terminate his rights for another reason. Fathers still have rights in this country.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:59 PM on May. 26, 2010

  • If he's already on the birth certificate she'd have to legally terminate his rights. If he's not, he's in trouble.
    When I was adopted, my mother simply signed a "refusal to acknowledge paternity", and that was that.
    And to answer your orignial question, no it is not right or normal to keep fathers away from their children, except in the most EXTREME circumstances.
    LiliMama18

    Answer by LiliMama18 at 9:23 AM on May. 27, 2010

  • The mother's adoptive mother is denying the father access to the baby so that she can adopt the baby? I think that is 100% wrong unless the father was proven unfit.
    miriamz

    Answer by miriamz at 10:05 AM on May. 27, 2010

  • Right? No it's wrong, wrong, wrong. Normal? not unheard of. Father's get a raw deal and the putative father laws are stacked against them. Women have skipped state and all sorts to keep fathers away from their children. if you know this father research a lawyer for him before the adoptive grandmother claims he abandoned his child.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 12:30 PM on May. 27, 2010

  • A father has legal rights, if she hasn't had his rights terminated, he could legally take her to court and possibly get custody of the baby. I am very pro adoption, but it needs to be done the right way. As for the birth mother she needs to stand tall and take control, if anything to do what is best for the baby. I can see so many things that can happen in this situation, the birth mother really needs to hire an attorney.

    MiddletonFamily

    Answer by MiddletonFamily at 2:12 PM on May. 27, 2010

  • Why is the grandmother trying to adopt her adopted daughter's child? Is there some reason that the mother (adopted child) cannot parent her infant other than having no confidence and needing a support system? If you are close to the situation, perhaps you could encourage the young mother to think these things through before she allows that. I have also heard of young mothers who still live at home losing their babies to parents who trick them into signing relinquishment papers, saying that they need this so that they can "put the baby on the insurance." That mother can usually get the baby on Medicaid. The parents of the young mother withdraw their emotional &/or financial support unless the young mother does what they want. Very wrong indeed.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 3:36 PM on May. 27, 2010

  • I knew it just seemed wrong in so many ways. In no way is the father unfit, and his rights to see the baby weren't terminated...not legally, anyway. The "grandmother" just doesn't like the fact that he's the child's real father. When he would try to go see his daughter, the "grandmother" would call the cops on him. It wore him thin, and he can't go onto their property. I don't know the child's mother, personally, but I don't have a lot of respect for any woman that puts biological fathers in this kind of position. He, unfortunately, isn't financially able to afford a lawyer, so he doesn't know what to do...

    Thank ya'll for the support and advice!!!
    Always_Hopeful

    Answer by Always_Hopeful at 8:38 PM on May. 27, 2010

  • OP, I just want to comment that the mother's mom truly is the grandmother (no quotes needed), just as much as any biological grandmother. They are all real.

    That being said, the grandmother's actions are way out of line. What does the young woman want? Does she want to keep her child or choose somebody other than her mom the raise the baby? If the young woman does not want to raise her baby but the father does, he should get the chance (unless he is unfit for some reason). The baby's father needs to get a lawyer. The baby cannot be placed for adoption without his consent.

    I've heard of biological mothers doing this sort of thing when their daughters get pregnant. This situation is not unique to adoptive parents. No mother should leave the father's name off the birth certificate if his name is known. That violates the child's right to know his or her origins.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 9:26 PM on May. 27, 2010

  • The father can apply for Legal Aid to get representation, and almost any family law attorney will answer general questions over the phone and point him in the right direction. The father needs to know his rights in order to protect them. If he backs away from seeing the baby to "keep the peace", in enough time, it may be considered abandonment.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 11:20 PM on May. 27, 2010

  • There must be someone who is for paternal rights that could help this man pro-bono. It just sickens me when I hear these stories.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 10:13 PM on May. 28, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN