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Ex's visitation w/ possible step mother.

Okay, well a few months ago my ex flew to my location. He said he was about to get deployed & that he really wanted his new fiancee to meet our daughter before he left, because it would be 1 1/2 years before he could come visit her again. Out of the week he was here, he made 45 minutes for our daughter. The time he was here, he was really too busy whispering back & forth with his fiancee, & my daughter didn't really pay attention to any of them. Ex didn't try and socialize w my daughter.

I just got a text saying he's coming in this weekend and that he wants to see my daughter again. I said okay, well it'll have to be Saturday because I have plans Sunday. I said come solo. The last visitation did not go well and Im simply not comfortable w having that new chick in my home.

Our daughter is 11 mo old. I have sole physical & legal custody, and the ex never calls or emails about her. Hes seen her 3 times in the last yr.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:33 AM on May. 27, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • OP:

    Well, now he wants to bring his fiancee to visit our daughter again, claiming now that he is married.. I've already told him no until he establishes a bond with our daughter, then we can work out something. He only gets supervised visitation. Obviously I make the final choice as to who comes and who doesnt come. Anyone disagree?

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:34 AM on May. 27, 2010

  • I am a step mom so i can relate. I dont think your wish is unreasonable at all. I would never ever try to be all up in my DF's ex's home while he visits his daughter! I have never stepped foot in her house in the 6 yrs him and i have been together. His daughter is 6 1/2. When we have gone to pick her up or drop her at BM's house, i always wait in the car. I dont feel its my right or business to be in her house, period. And especially if ur ex has very limited time to spend with his DD, i would never dream of imposing. I dont think u should be fast to blame anything on his fiancee just yet tho, it could just be him wanting to involve his fiancee as much as possible. But i see that he lacks tact. There will be time later on for his fiancee to possibly establish a relationship with ur DD. She is still extremely young. Just tell him u dont wanna fight, but that u think this is best for DD right now. Just him to visit alone.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:44 AM on May. 27, 2010

  • I am OP. Last time I didnt give him his way, he called CPS on me for really insane and untrue accusations. Ugh! I am not accusing that chick of anything, but she really has no business coming over. Ex doesnt even have a relationship with his daughter at all, and I find it really rude for him to even suggest bringing her... Which its not really suggesting, he flat out tells me she is coming. =(

    The first time I gave in because he used the whole deployment thing on me, this time I just really dont want to crack and give in. I am not trying to keep people out of her life, but encourage baby to have something to do with the ex. Everyone knows how kids are, they dont have the biggest attention span. I 100% truly believe his time is best spent with baby, and not with ex, his fiancee, and baby.

    My stomach is torn up right now. He's stopped texting (we dont talk on the phone) so I am just so worried he is going to do something dumb

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:51 AM on May. 27, 2010


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:02 AM on May. 27, 2010

  • I am sorry he is so immature to call CPS on u for no good reason. I dont know him but if he is pulling stunts like that, then maybe he doesnt deserve to even visit ur DD. He should respect u first and foremost. And ultimately u do have sole custody so there is nothing he can do about that. He either complies with what u think is best for DD, or he doesnt visit. Thats what it comes down to. And tho u may seem like the bitch to him in this situation, i really dont think ur request in unfair at all. Remind him that when it comes to DD, its just about her period. His fiancee has nothing to do with ur decisions. U believe whats best for DD right now is to spend one on one quality time with her father. Its a small amount of time and he should cherish that. Ur DD needs a bond with her dad right now, not anyone else. N when he visits ur home, he needs to come alone. N my DF texts with BM too. They rarely talk on phone.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:06 AM on May. 27, 2010

  • I completely agree with you. Your daughter doesn't need people bopping in and out of her life like that. She's not a zoo animal or a museumexhibit. She deserves stability and respect, as do you. He has no business bringing his girlfriend/fiance to you house and invading your space. If he really wants her there, you can meet them at a park or other public place. Maybe bring a friend or SO with you so that you don't have to deal with them alone.

    If he's really being deployed, you might want to take a few pictures of your daughter with him so that she'll have them later if he doesn't make it back home.

    Good luck with everything!


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:22 AM on May. 27, 2010

  • I agree with you. Do what's right for your daughter. My DD's sperm donor hasn't been around for the last 6 1/2 years of her life,and now all of a sudden wants to be in it. Uhm..NEGATIVE. So DH and I told him that he has to take us to court to get visitation, but that also means he will have to pay child support.

    Answer by SAMNMAYASMOM at 4:09 AM on May. 27, 2010

  • I would just tell him sorry, she will be available when she's able to say if she wants to know him. He sounds more interested in his new life, and out of guilt tries to fit her in... I would just keep moving forward, and not let him see her anymore. JMO

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 9:01 AM on May. 27, 2010

  • If you are worried he may call CPS again perhaps you should take her for a preemptive well-check.

    Answer by happytexasCM at 11:19 AM on May. 27, 2010

  • I agree with MrsLeftLane.
    I am a stepmom myself and if anything I would either stay home or wait in the car his time is with his kids. I understand his point as far as trying to include his new thing in his life but whose to say they are going to last your dd does need to meet anyone at this age. Tell your ex either come alone or no visitation.
    Talk to the child support dept. In your area and see what your options are...I bet you'll get good info to help back you up. GL

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 11:48 AM on May. 27, 2010

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