Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My Sister in Law wants to move in w/u. Is it a good Idea?

She's wants to retired & move in w/us because were she live is very dangerus. She said that she will help me look after my 2 little girls so i can go back to school & work. That sounds great. But that means she is going to live w/us for a long time. I don't think she is going to plan on moving out after that. So what should i tell her. I have never had no one stay w/us for ever.. Is this a good Idea or Not? she is a niece lady. I don't know if she expects me to take care of her when she get older you know like on her 70 or so. I have never taken care of any one that old. Im not trying to be mean. But, I still have both of my parents & i will be looking after them when they get to that age. so that might be 3 people that ill be looking after...
So is this a good idea or not?

Answer Question
 
Bless2haveU

Asked by Bless2haveU at 11:39 AM on May. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (12 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • why not let her stay while you go to school and tell her during that time she can save to find a better place to live
    symle456

    Answer by symle456 at 11:41 AM on May. 27, 2010

  • she wont be saving if she's gonna retire. how old is she? tell her to work, save up even more and then when she has enough to support herself, THEN retire.. but in the meantime, if your area is safer, maybe tell her that she can stay for 6 months while she looks for a better paying job to be able to afford a place in a safer neighborhood.

    but honestly, i think her living with you guys- for the rest of her life- is a really bad idea! REALLY bad! its not a temp thing- she plans on retiring, never getting another job.
    Shy_Dia

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 11:49 AM on May. 27, 2010

  • I would set some ground rules first. Like when she plans on looking for a new place. It would be nice for the help but she really needs her own home.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 11:50 AM on May. 27, 2010

  • I don't think I would do it. I've only known a couple of people that it worked out for, it's just too difficult for adults to live together. Everyone has their own way of doing things, money can become an issue. Not having privacy can be a huge issue. Parenting and rules for children can be a problem. Getting a babysitter when she doesn't want to watch the kids (such as for you and your husband to go out) can be difficult.

    It can work out well, but the odds are against it. Good luck whatever you decide.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:56 AM on May. 27, 2010

  • Yeah i don't think she wants to look for a job she is moving from Detroit, MI & she's on her 50's.. she wants a roof over her head & she'll help me w/the girls. But, The more i think abouth it the less i like it.. She'll get a retieredment check but i don't think ill be enough to save up to live out here in CA.. rent is super Hi out here... so much to think about... Thanks ladys..
    Bless2haveU

    Answer by Bless2haveU at 12:14 PM on May. 27, 2010

  • NOOOOOO DONT DO IT!!!!! Personal experience here Super bad Idea. I let my SIL move in with us I actually told her she could with out asking my husbad because well it was his sister and she needed a home. It was the single worst living arrangement i have ever been in. Even now that she has been gone for a few years we do not talk, and pretty much ignore each other. It all sounds so easy and like it could work and then they get in your home, undermine your authority, take over your home and suddenly its no longer your home anymore and your DH is caught in the middle your kids are confused and unhappy. It is just a really bad thing to get into. I will NEVER do it again.
    3_ring_circus_

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 12:32 PM on May. 27, 2010

  • a live in relative is just that a live in...think of it this way...you ever have relatives come and visit and stay for a week or so? and you go out of your way to please them. cooking what they like and cleaning up after them. and adjusting YOUR normal schedule to meet theirs. then at the end of the week. even tho you enjoyed seeing them you are ready for them to leave. you are tired and want to get back to your normal schedule. well same thing but she is living there so when your ready for them to leave they dont. and then tension grows cuz your annoyed and have no real privacy. you and DH cant talk openly about everything cuz there is an extra set of ears around. and also what a pp said about being overruled when it come to your kids. i have fam members who outside of my home try to do this. i tell my kids no dont do they and they say " they are fine they are having fun" but thats not the point I dont want them doing that!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:41 PM on May. 27, 2010

  • anon 41 cont....these are jsut some of the examples of what could happen. even if they were the perfect house guest...cooking cleaning up after themselves not very needy. i would still think about the privacy factor. i need my privacy. do you have an extra room for her to sleep or would your kids sleeping arrangements have to be adjusted for her to fit into your house hold.? i could go on and on....and one last thing if you tell her no she may be mad for a while but will eventually get over it. but if you say yes and it goes bad....then again like a pp said you may never be on speaking terms again. also would she contribute to the food and bills? or just be a mooch? i am anti mooch enabler..lol...i dont like being taken advantage of because i am nice and i dont like being used.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:47 PM on May. 27, 2010

  • Yikes... it can/wil be a complete pain in the butt at times. Tough decision... GL
    leslie_zoe2010

    Answer by leslie_zoe2010 at 12:55 PM on May. 27, 2010

  • Well about her paying any bills no i don't think so as it is right now she is living rent free on the house that my father in law left for his two sons " my dh & brother in law" any ways a few moths ago she call my dh for $$. that she needed $ to buy a car..& that she'll pay that money back 2 months later no money it was a few hundred $ but, still we need that $ now. Yeah she'll have her own room. & pay for her own stuff that she needs like clothes, bed, shoes, you now things that are for her..

    Oh boy i don't want to be the mean one.
    Bless2haveU

    Answer by Bless2haveU at 12:57 PM on May. 27, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.