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How do you tell your husband his Friend needs to leave?

We have a friend that is staying with us off and on but he is a drain on our finances and worse he smokes does drugs and drinks. The problem is my kids love him and call him there uncle. I have had it with him and want him to leave but my husband gets mad at me every time I suggest it. I dont want my kids being around the smoke smell or his habits, but My husband and I get in fights about him all the time, I think my husband would take his friends side over mine. There is a lot more to it but this is the short storie. What should I do?

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khenrichs

Asked by khenrichs at 12:57 PM on May. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • "Either he goes, or I go, and I'm taking the kids."

    Ultimatum.
    makelineerror

    Answer by makelineerror at 12:59 PM on May. 27, 2010

  • I think it would help you to read BOUNDARIES IN MARRIAGE by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. There are some things that are worth drawing some boundaries and then enforcing them. I think this is very likely one of those. Sometimes we have to consider situations from the perspective of who deserves the "greater good." Again, I think this is one of those!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:00 PM on May. 27, 2010

  • He goes...or you do.

    Better start culling things out to pack.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:08 PM on May. 27, 2010

  • Um I would tell your hubby that either his friend goes, or you and the kids go. I would never allow an adult in my house that is dangerous to my children
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 1:08 PM on May. 27, 2010

  • Exactly .. "Either he goes or the kids and I go. Your choice." If he chooses his friend then I personally would file for a divorce and move on. No husband has respect and love for his wife if he chooses his buddy over you. You deserve better then that if that's what he decides.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 1:09 PM on May. 27, 2010

  • The drugs and drinking is not what you want your kids to copy.My favorite saying is "Sometimes a momma bear needs to show her teeth".show your teeth if you have to.
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 1:15 PM on May. 27, 2010

  • Oh no... I wouldn't be having a grown man live w me and not pay and on top of that be a bad influence. Your kids like him because they don't know the real him. It would be me or him. He's gotta go.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:26 PM on May. 27, 2010

  • If leaving your SO isn't something you want to do, then tell him you guys need to meet in the middle on this...his friend could stay there BUT if his friend is going to be staying there then the friend needs to help out financially...charge rent by the week or whatever. Then ask for grocery and utility money. Also let him know the friend CANNOT smoke or drink in the house and you wont tolerate him doing drugs on the property - especially since the kids look up to him so much. Hopefully the friend realizing that he's not going to continue getting a free ride will get him motivated to move on. If your husband doesnt feel comfortable telling the friend this, then take it upon yourself to let him know you two have talked about it and things need to change.
    landons.mama

    Answer by landons.mama at 1:35 PM on May. 27, 2010

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