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What do you think??(Responses from preferrably married women ,married five yours or more)

So my husband told me he's not in love with me. He says he loves me but not inlove!
I feel so different after he told me that. Shouldn't a married couple be inlove with each other?? Im inlove with him! I think being inlove and loving someone is two seperate things.
Whats do you think?
Pls no immature responses pls!! Need answers from perferrably other married women that be married over 5 yrs
Thank you!!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:43 PM on May. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Being in love and loving ARE different things. Being in love, you wouldn't consider anyone else. Loving, you care about their health, wellbeing, happiness, etc.
    Better for him to tell you now than to cheat on you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:45 PM on May. 27, 2010

  • How long has he felt this way? I do believe in the 7 year itch. The cycle where you just get discontented with your spouse after a while. It usually passes. If he's only felt this way a short while (6 months or less) then counciling might help, as well as just having patience and trying to reignite the spark. If it's been a long time (a year or more) then he might be truly unhappy. Counciling would definately be warrented and huge effort put into finding ways to love each other again.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 11:46 PM on May. 27, 2010

  • I agree with anon above but think about this my dear... if he fell in love with you once he can do it all over again. Get busy girl!! Light that man up like the Chicago Fire!! I was married for years and we never got tired of each other. Still, everybody is different and It takes two to tango... personally, I'd much rather know the truth. Maybe you can have a successful marriage anyway! I hope so.... :)
    Blabbermouth

    Answer by Blabbermouth at 11:52 PM on May. 27, 2010

  • I think you need to take a look at what has happened..... things to consider:

    - Has he been having abnormal activity? (Could he have been hanging out with others that made him wish his life were different)?
    - Have you been having 'dates'?? Yes, married people should still DATE ...
    - Have you changed the way you look drastically that could make him feel this way? Men do not handle change very well.... weight loss, hair change, etc... they get use to seeing one thing and are scared of change...

    Try asking him where this went wrong.... try going back to a point where you thought he still loved you and reinact those days.. get small little trinkets and tell him you are willing to work on whatever needs to be worked on...at certain ages, 40 - 50, men start acting funny like they are having a mid life crisis.. anything earlier than that, they may miss their freedom ... you have to make marriage exciting for them ...........
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:53 PM on May. 27, 2010

  • I think that it's a typical thing that can happen to couples, especially after some time together. I would highly suggest reading the book, "This isn't the story you think it is" by Laura Munson. It is a memoire of a woman who dealt with the same thing but handled it in a way the most women wouldn't. I personally don't suggest counseling. You can't force someone to have feelings for you and I think it would make him resent you for making him go. Just give the book a try, it gave me a point of view that has really helped me and my marriage. By the way - my dh told me the same thing recently so I completely feel for you!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:57 PM on May. 27, 2010

  • I think marriage goes in cycles. Sometimes you're passionate lovers, sometimes you're best friends, sometimes you're room mates. A lot of times, the stuff and stress going on in your lives distracts you from your marriage, and although you still love the other person, you're more focused on the other things you are dealing with. Maybe you need some time away from the world to reconnect and get the spark back.
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 11:59 PM on May. 27, 2010

  • I have been married 15 years..lol..
    Heres my 2 cents:
    Do you nag him all the time? When we were first married before kids, we had fun and shared the little responsibilities we had. After 2 kids, a mortgage, dogs etc.. I became a nag. I was feeling overwhelmed and wanted him to do more to take the burdens off me. I was at home with the kids but felt stressed all the time. We went thru a very rough few years (probably 5+). DH told me something similar to that once. I bit my tounge and stopped the nagging. As the years passed, we just settled in to a peaceful 'existance". I try to let him be and accept him as a hard working, loving man that is not perfect. I'm not.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 AM on May. 28, 2010

  • It important to talk to him about if there is a "why" to his change in feelings and his thoughts on your future. I very much agree that long term relationships go through cycles. At some point, you make a decision to be with someone- not based on feeling, but because you love them beyond that superficial "in love" feeling. While feeling "in love" with your spouse is great, reality is it comes and goes. Assuming he's not freaked out by this and knows those "in love" feelings will return with time, its a good time to just, kindly, evaluate some things in marriage.

    I went through that not being "in love" thing about a year and a half ago. One of the biggest changes I made was letting my DH screw up (not mommying him). Also, for his sake, please take a mans need for sex- frequency and quality seriously. Its just not as vital to most women as it is for men, but they literally need us.
    IrishMommaC

    Answer by IrishMommaC at 12:19 AM on May. 28, 2010

  • Married 10 years...
    I agree with Julie about the stages. You should try to spice things up with your hubby. Arrange a date night, make a nice dinner for him, get some new lingerie. Try to look at some reasons why he might not be getting what he needs from the marriage and work on it.
    Mel_in_PHX

    Answer by Mel_in_PHX at 12:29 AM on May. 28, 2010

  • married almost 11 years...
    no its not the same thing. give yourself a makeover. a big one. get a job, return to being the woman you were before you were Mrs. and Mom. And if it doesn't change, if he's still feeling like that, ambush him out of the blue with "what's your girlfriend's name?" his answer will tell you how to proceed next.
    princezzmommie

    Answer by princezzmommie at 12:56 AM on May. 28, 2010

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