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Do you ever grieve for someone that has died that you were not even particularly close to?

My husband and I had a friend Ron. He was a great guy, but one of those friends that you can go months without seeing and then hang out for a day and then not again for a few months. There was never any weirdness about not seeing each other very often, we always had wonderfully deep and meaningful conversations.
So anyway... After the last time we saw him the three months came and went and we didn't see him, I called and got no answer. After a couple more months I went to his job to ask about him and they didn't even know who I was talking about. We went to his house and he wasn't there. Anyway, for about a year we didn't hear anything from him, then one day we were in the grocery store and saw a former coworker and he told us that Ron committed suicide.
I am so sad about it. It has been about 2 years since we found out and about 3 years since he died and I still think about him all the time. I'm just sad, is that weird?


Asked by SleepingBeautee at 12:50 AM on May. 28, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (7)
  • No it's not weird. I have grieved over people I was not close to. I grieved over a neighbor that killed himself. I grieved over him being alone and no one seemed to care, not even me. I grieved bc after I read the obit and found out he had no family to grieve over him. I ended up having my own private memorial for him. I saw a movie one time where a culture believed in singing so the spirit could find its way to the other side. The ancestors would sing on that side. They were to follow the sound of our singing to know where he was coming from. That way he could hear them and head toward them so I began singing. I can't sing well but I sang for the man. I have no clue if it helped him find his way but it made me feel better for not being a better neighbor. No one should have to die depressed and alone. Since then I tell folks how I feel, too. I end phone conversations with family and friends telling them I love them.

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:34 AM on May. 28, 2010

  • It's not weird. He was your friend, and that's a horrible way to go.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:04 AM on May. 28, 2010

  • No, that's not weird at all, that's normal and human to feel sad when someone you know or once knew dies. It would be weird if you didn't feel sad or think about them every once in a while.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:05 AM on May. 28, 2010

  • I might be wrong here, but I think you are somehow feeling responsible for his suicide. I dont know you and this a delicate subjuct for you. Because you guys had a casual friendship with him, only once in awhile, I think you are blaming yourself for not being there for him more. But how could you have known? How could you have known that he had a mental illness and problems if he never shared them with you guys? The man that came to visit was interesting and fun to be around. He never talked about his personnal trials, because he didnt want to. HE DIDNT WANT TO! IF he had wanted help he would have asked for help, he would have reached out to your husband for some direction. Sometimes we deal with people who are part of our lives that have skeletons in their closet that they dont want to talk about, huge skeletons. He didnt want to share his skeletons with you guys, or anybody. Its ok to let him go, its past time hon.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:06 AM on May. 28, 2010

  • Yes, but I'm a nut job. I've even grieved for people I hated. My sisters abusive ex-boyfriend who shot himself. My Grandfather who molested me. Heck, I even grieve for perfect stangers when I read about their murders in the newspaper.

    I don't think it's bad to feel emotion as long as don't get depressed, or act like a wierdo, lol


    Answer by Anonymous at 1:10 AM on May. 28, 2010

  • The more violent the death, the more questions that are left unanswered, making the grief last forever. We're still all grieving and going randomly through the stages of grief almost a year after my brother's suicide. Every so often my parents just cry. My dad had to walk out of a Subway after seeing an ad for the meatball sandwhich (Glen's favorite). I get choked up hearing different songs on the radio. I get angry when I think about the situation. I get depressed when I think about his little girl not having her dad...

    And I hadn't talked to him in a year before the suicide. We'd never been super close, but he pushed me away, and I had my own family to worry about.

    Answer by kittyhasclaws at 1:43 AM on May. 28, 2010

  • I even have panic attacks for when young people die , within the last year 4 guys that I went to school with all died in car accidents ( at different times) ...incredibly sad and they all had 1 child each, 2 of them had wives....Like I couldnt even sleep, just feeling so sad for them and their families.....

    Answer by glamomomo at 10:23 AM on May. 28, 2010