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Why do I feel bad about leaving him?

I am so unhappy, and lost alot of friends along the way. My true friends never went anywhere. I know he loves me but he does not to treat me the way a man should. Build confidence, he is insecure. We have more of a roommate relationship. His money is his, my money is mine. He don't want to work hard to succeed. I so want to get ahead. It is like having another kid, and I am tired of molding a man. I know I truley love him but I can't do it anymore. It has been 9 long years, and I am still in the same position I was in 9 years ago. Accept I lost my self along the way. In my heart I know we won't get back together because he is set in his ways, I want to live, learn and trust people. He is the total opposite. We have kids and they see the anger, sadness and actually seen the real me when he was away. It is sad, but he don't want counsling he don't think any thing is wrong. I can't fight for the relationship anymore. I have kids

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:49 AM on May. 28, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • You are grieving the loss of your marriage, and chances are you probably feel guilty about breaking up your children's family. These are normal feelings in this type of situation, but in time you'll feel better about it and hopefully know that you did the right thing for yourself and your children. I've been through this too, and I did feel a lot of guilt for a long time. I finally realized that HE had to want to change and make an effort, and I couldn't make him want that or do that. My advice is if it is really over make some goals for yourself and work towards those goals; let your kids see how hard you are working to make a better life for all of you. Signing up for school is a great first step. GL!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:36 AM on May. 28, 2010

  • Sometimes you need to cut the dead weight from your life to be able to move on. Negative forces can hold you back and there is no way to move ahead with that in your life. He won't change (and if he does, it's only within his control).
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:57 AM on May. 28, 2010

  • I feel exactly the same. EXACTLY. I have the same problems in my marriage. We've only been married 4 years though.....I feel so lost.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:00 AM on May. 28, 2010

  • We both now have our own apartments and will be moving. So, i am one step closer. The leases are signed and I am signing up for college.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:09 AM on May. 28, 2010

  • I think you feel bad because you wish things had worked out differently.Or you miss the relationship with him that you could have had.I put my first husband out.He wanted to not keep a job, and keep girlfriends.And spend the money I earned on them.Needless to say I put him out.And I felt like a failure for a long time.I know I did the right thing.After time passes, the failure feeling goes away.
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 10:13 AM on May. 28, 2010

  • You feel bad because you were hoping for more. You may feel that leaving now makes you look foolish for having stayed so long (it doesn't). You may not want to admit having made a mistake.

    AND...you may well be afraid of change. You're going form challenges you know to ones you don't, and that is scary. But you'll be fine.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:38 AM on May. 29, 2010