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Friends with Benefits... is it possible?

Okay brief rundown, Jack and I have an arrangement where we are to put it gingerly, there for each other during the times when we are single so that neither one of us ever has to sleep/date around. Which luckily for us, it always is at the same time. Anyway, so that's our arrangement in a nutshell... Well, the first time we did this was 3 years ago and at that time it was perfect because neither of us was ready or in the position to settle down. Fast forward to now, I am in a completely different boat than I was 3 years ago. I am not a man hater or feeling any way near the way I was feeling then. I actually am ready to be in a permanent relationship (for all the right reasons this time ha) and ready to add to the family and he is feeling the exact same. My question is will we be able to continue this arrangement this time around and still be objective about it?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:27 AM on May. 28, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • OP here- to clarify this is not just a night time relationship, we are the exact same way we were as friends before this all started... So we hang out, go out with our mutual friends together, go on dates, talk daily, are each other's confidantes, etc... that is why I think that we may be playing with fire now.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:29 AM on May. 28, 2010

  • Depends, do you have feelings for him? Does he for you? Do you wanna play house w/ him or another? Are you thinking of him as possible hubby material or are you just ready to settle down? If either of your feelings about these topics have changed then no you can't remain just friends w/ benefits, if nothing changed just remember why it is that you don't wanna be w/ him.
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 11:30 AM on May. 28, 2010

  • Knowing that you two are both ready to settle down it might pose some new challenges. Like avoiding the feelings that you wish to feel with your signifigant other, even if you don't have romantic feelings for one another. It's easy to get caught up in the moment and think "I could get used to this", which might pose as a problem if you're looking to keep it casual.

    However, that's not saying that it isn't possible. If you think you both can keep it casual, then it can be done. You just have to keep yourself in check to know that he's not who you're settling down with. That you're just friends with benefits.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:30 AM on May. 28, 2010

  • Why don't you try dating each other for real?
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 11:31 AM on May. 28, 2010

  • Nyx7- I don't know what I feel to be honest. He's still realy hurting about his last break up and though he knows she's crazy and they should be together he still loves her, which I can totally understand. It bothers me, but at the same time, I honestly wish she would get her shit together and come back so he can be happy. Its a weird viewpoint I know, but its how I feel. Can I see him as a possible spouse, I mean, ya I suppose he would make an ideal candidate and we'd probably have a great relationship, but I haven't thought about it much.

    Jazz,- I am not sure if I want to continue this like this or not. Just on a chemical level, I know that certain activities create chemical reactions that inevitably will make one or bothof us catch feelings and being where we are right now wanting to move forward in life, that could end very badly if only one of us feels that way.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:36 AM on May. 28, 2010

  • lowencope- I have no idea. From my stand point, it never really came up and thinking about it now, I am really not his type. I have seen and known his ex's and I am not like either of them at all. Not even close...lol... So to be totally honest, I could even see him wanting to date me. If we weren't in our current predicament and just met or something, I would definitely see relationship potential in him, but we're not lol
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:38 AM on May. 28, 2010

  • Sounds like you know that this won't go anywhere. I'm not sure how it is helping other than you both don't want to be alone. Have you ever explored that...why you don't want to be alone? Why don't you try being on your own for a while (with no man, including Jack) and see what you really want out of life. You need to be secure and happy in yourself before you can get serious about a man and incorporate him in the mix.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:48 AM on May. 28, 2010

  • Well no, you just answered that question by explaining your feelings and how they have changed. Be honest with him. Tell him how you feel and see what he wants to do but tell him if he's not into a relationship then he needs to get his needs met elsewhere. You shouldn't have to service him while you are trying to find Mr Right in someone else. That's just not fair to you or the man who wants to meet & be your real man.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:35 PM on May. 28, 2010

  • I have a "friend" like that too. Once this same thing was goin on with us, we were both questioning whether we could continue objecively, may I point out that neither of us is the other's typical type. We have known each other for years and are great friends so it was easy to bring it up and we talked about it and both decided that we enjoyed our relationship as it is. I wouldn't want to date him simply because if anything went bad I would lose a very good friend who has been there through alot.
    Good luck with your decision, I think talking about it and being very clear with boundries and things is they key.
    LolaRae

    Answer by LolaRae at 12:55 PM on May. 28, 2010

  • Thats just weird..why cant You just not have sex when You're single!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:25 PM on May. 28, 2010

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