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How do you deal with a 13 year old that back talks all the time

I had a massive heart attack i have congestive heart failure and i had a defibultor put inand we are going to holiday world and i told my daughter that i am getting a wheel chair and she told me she was going to act like she does not know me.but she was the one that saved my life by calling my parents.i cant walk very far without getting out of breath and she does not understand that i cant walk far.i told her i was going to have to wear a wide brimmed hat and she thru a fit about that and said she was going to act like she didnt know me.how do i deal with this kind of talk from her.i have parents telling me she should not talk to me like that and her friends tell her she is mean to me by the way she talks to me.it seems like every time i ask her something she comes back with an answer that makes me sound like i am dirt.

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Espalding

Asked by Espalding at 12:12 PM on May. 28, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Tell her when she can be polite to you then you will talk to her otherwise ignore her, yes I said IGNORE HER, do not respond in any way shape or form when she is rude and don't do nice things for her (holiday world, buy her clothes, give her money, etc...) either she can respect you or leave, and tell her that. I've seen this work in many kids who try to bully their parents, YOU are the parent SHE is the child, you need to let her know who is in charge until she moves out. It is NOT her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:34 PM on May. 28, 2010

  • I'd tell her that if she doesn't want to be seen with you there, then she doesn't have to come. Just find someone she can stay with, and tell her that you got a "babysitter" because you don't want to be seen with her acting like that. I'm so sorry that she's letting what she thinks people may think of her and you get in the way of having fun with the family. From what I've heard, most teens are like that and eventually grow out of it.
    Kiwismommy19

    Answer by Kiwismommy19 at 1:14 PM on May. 28, 2010

  • Its so easy for so many parents to just say give up and that has always thrown me back a bit, and its usually mothers that arent at that stage of teen age life yet. Giving up on your child is not ok in any situation, unless they are causing physical harm to you or others in your house. So let me get this straight, when a child starts to show their signs of testing the waters like normal teens, you throw in the towel? No thats not the way it should go, well atleast over here it wouldnt. I have two teen boys and I a know first hand what its like to go through the roller coaster stages. Its frustrating, and can really wear you down, but you choose to be a parent, and that means through good and bad. I would never just give up, that would make me a bad mother. Sorry jmo. And what does that teach the kid? They will grow up and be the same way. I am so sick of hearing people say, kick your kids out if they cant follow rules! nice
    bellamommyof4

    Answer by bellamommyof4 at 6:54 PM on May. 28, 2010

  • Okay, having grown with a terminally ill parent, my opinion is you need to take a look at why she is talking back. While this may sound like normal teen BS there could be some seriously underlying issues here. The examples you gave are glaring examples of your own frailty and mortality and no child is equipt to deal with the idea that mom may not be around if she needs her. She doesn't want to act like she doesn't know you, she doesn't want to be reminded that you have these needs for your health. That is how she expresses it. It may not even be something she does on purpose. You need to sit this child down and do some serious talking and a good family therapist may just be what your family needs right now.
    Liansmommie

    Answer by Liansmommie at 4:08 AM on May. 29, 2010

  • I suspect that your daughter is frightened. Please find a therapist who specializes in working with teens in her situation.

    Good luck.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 8:06 AM on May. 29, 2010

  • IMO the wheelchair is a reminder of a very frightening time in her life. As a previous mother mentioned, dealing with the possible mortality of a parent is not something most adults can deal with well let alone a pre-teen. I would go somewhere private with her and tell her to let you know what is bothering her with no reprecussions or judgement on your part. Let her scream it out, cry it out, be angry...whatever. Then deal with what is truly on her mind. Good luck!
    LadyIQ

    Answer by LadyIQ at 9:55 AM on May. 29, 2010

  • She sounds like a typical 13 yr old to me. I'm sorry for your health issues but not sure you can get a 13 yr old to be empathic. She may even be masking her fear (that you may die) by this abrasive behavior. I'd just tell her that "it hurts me when you speak to me like that"
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:31 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • I agree with admckenzie for once lol. But seriously, this is def true. She tested her waters just like any other teen would do.
    bellamommyof4

    Answer by bellamommyof4 at 4:08 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • I think it's her way of protecting her fear and worry by pushing you away with her sarcasim and hurtful words. Inside I'm sure she's very worried about you but it doesn't come across that way. You need to talk to her of have a family member she looks up to or trusts talk to her. She needs to be more compassionate and not so cold. Also I agree with the other moms that said leave her with somebody if she can't be respectful and polite to you. If she continues to be hurtful then give her a dose of her own medicine.

    Good luck.
    Affirmation

    Answer by Affirmation at 7:50 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • i agree with admckenzie, she shouldnt talk to you like that, but she is probably worried. i say talk to her first, tell her that it hurts you and that you love her and that she needs to be more respectful or you will stop doing things for her and place her on restriction for being rude. and if she continues, then tell her that she cant go to the amusement park or anywhere else when she acts like an jerk! bc thats what teens are lol!
    secondtyme520

    Answer by secondtyme520 at 12:13 AM on May. 30, 2010

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