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How can I get over being betrayed by my Mother?

She portrayed herself as a dedicated mother and wife. I didn't realize what a weak woman she was until 2 yrs ago. She allow sexual abuse, she allowed family members even strangers treat her children badly. Bottom line she's a sick weak woman that will never change. She will never apologize and she will never admit anything. She is dead to me but I'm still angry. I don't know how to let the anger go. I really want to and have been trying by convincing myself and repeating that I will let this go. But i think it's just a mask. Its not working.


Asked by Anonymous at 12:43 AM on May. 29, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Only if this issue is dominating your life, do you need counseling. Other than that, parental abandonment a lifelong issue. Contrary to what many say, an adult doesn't need to forgive everyone. It's ok to have anger, just as long as it doesn't dominate your daily life It's just a part of recovery. Your mom was a dud. Just accept that and move on. If you can't forgive, then don't. It won't eat you up. Your life is your own, and I believe you are just putting things into prospective. Totally normal.

    Many mom are like this. They watch their kids being abused and don't do a thing to stop it. Reason why, there are many. But the most I have encountered is that the answer was that the perp was the financial center of the defunct family. A lot of women just don't have the confidence to stand on their own two feet.

    My advice to you. Resent is normal, but put your feelings in perspective and learn from.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:15 AM on May. 29, 2010

  • You need counseling.


    Answer by Anonymous at 12:46 AM on May. 29, 2010

  • I really understand your anger and frustration. My adoptive mom was very abusive to me. She was an alcoholic and she used to beat me on a daily basis. She moved all the way across the country from me and Im so grateful for that. I want to talk to you about that anger you feel. That anger you have inside of you can end up eating you alive if you dont let her go. You dont have to forgive her, but you have to make some sort of peace with the past and move on. You need to do this for you, otherwise you are walking through life not being you. You are being her. with all her anger and abuse and negative crap, its like a slime. Let her go, allow her to be sick mentally and emotionally. She missed so much as you where growing up. She lost out and YOU have become an amazing survivor. Walk forwards not backwards b/c you are too strong for this anymore..God Bless

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:50 AM on May. 29, 2010

  • Agree with anon :46.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:54 AM on May. 29, 2010

  • I so agree with anon :50, you made me cry, thank you

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:01 AM on May. 29, 2010

  • you JUST realize she was this way? you both have issues then!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:32 AM on May. 29, 2010

  • My mom is this way as well she did things to me and I am thankful everyday I am adopted. First get a journal and write about how you feel second I would recognize that you are never going to get an apology people like that never admit to wrong doing. They never think they did anything wrong. Third think of yourself as a kid and think of three truly good things that happened to you and think of how all of her shit is messing up your life give it all back. Yes you need your life back and let it go. Think of her as garbage as mean as this is and slowly clean her out of your heart and your head. Repeat it as many times write letters to her in your journal swear do whatever it takes and let her have it. After think and know you are worth it because she can no longer hurt you. GL Momma.


    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 4:59 AM on May. 29, 2010

  • I am so sorry. a mom is the one person who is supposed to protect and love us-I wish my mom was still alive, she would have loved you. she loved all those who had been hurt and betrayed.
    get some counseling mama, it will be the greatest gift you give yourself. that anger and hate isnt hurting anyone but you,a nd you will be amazed the freedom you feel when you can let it go-we alll need help sometimes. good luck to you.(hugs)

    Answer by Bearsjen at 8:53 AM on May. 29, 2010

  • I hear all of u & Im really glad to get outside perspective on this. I am in counselling since my daughter died from SIDS 5 yrs ago. I'm thinking I may have to find a diff counsellor. Intellectually I'm doing all the stuff u guys said but sometimes wen I close my eyes to go to sleep, those thoughts of betrayal come rushing in. Sometimes I can't sleep, emotionally this is harder to manage.

    & to the person who said I'm sick too cuz I didnt realize what kind of woman she is....ur are right. I was sick. I believed everything she said, when the abuse happened and she told me to dismiss it, I did. I beleived everything she said. She was so convincing she codependent &manipulitive. I used to be her and for the last 2yrs Ive been working on changing that.

    Thank u everybody. I came to this site cuz I thought I cud get a good "Mom" perspective as opposed to jus wat my Dr. says.

    Answer by Nayoluv at 11:35 AM on May. 29, 2010