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How can I get over being betrayed by my Mother?

I didnt mean to close this question, oops!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:41 AM on May. 29, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • She portrayed herself as a dedicated mother and wife. I didn't realize what a weak woman she was until 2 yrs ago. She allow sexual abuse, she allowed family members even strangers treat her children badly. Bottom line she's a sick weak woman that will never change. She will never apologize and she will never admit anything. She is dead to me but I'm still angry. I don't know how to let the anger go. I really want to and have been trying by convincing myself and repeating that I will let this go. But i think it's just a mask. Its not working. Intellecutally I know to let go, emotionally its harder to get over.

    Btw, Ive been in counselling for 5 yrs after my daughter died. My Mother is text book codependent...shes a weak woman that would throw her children off a cliff to save herself.
    Nayoluv

    Answer by Nayoluv at 11:45 AM on May. 29, 2010

  • I must have missed the first one you closed. Not sure of the type of betrayal but I guess that's not important. Was it on purpose with the intent to hurt you or did she do something thinking it was for your own good? Sometimes we older moms think we are helping but end up butting in but we usually mean no harm
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:45 AM on May. 29, 2010

  • I'm new here and Im not sure how to replay to admckenzie, I posted the details in the answer above. I wud love to have an older mom's perspective. My Mom is mid 60s.
    Nayoluv

    Answer by Nayoluv at 11:47 AM on May. 29, 2010

  • Oh, now I see. That's pretty harmful but you sound more angry at her weakness than she herself. I understand that. We can't change people but we can change how we react to their bad behavior. I know no one can erase the hurt and damage from the past but for your own peace of mind, hate the behavior not the person. She sounds like she was damaged as a child too and considered what she did "normal". Her mom probably did the same thing to her. I'm so sorry she allowed bad things to happen to you. Now break the cycle and use your anger to protect your children. Make something good for your children out of something bad that happened to you.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:49 AM on May. 29, 2010

  • I am a few years younger than your mom. If you need someone to talk to feel free to send me a message (PM). Welcome to CM
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:56 AM on May. 29, 2010

  • I have broken that cycle and it was hard and yes I am angry at the behaviour but Im also angry at her cuz she knows better now. She's aware of everything but won't admit anything. She's simply a weak woman. She was damaged as a child but she refuses to acknowledge anything. She's lived in denial for so long she simply doesnt have the skill or tools to survive in reality. I get this and thats wat I mean by I "intellectually" understand but emotionally she makes me sick and I'm angry.

    Growing up she made my father out 2 be a demon. She told everyone what a horrible husband & father he is. He's codependent too so he stuck around for all of this. They jus went around & around in their codependent dance for years. They are now divorced. Most of the family has no respect for him (Including me up until recently). She did the same to me. Now Ive taken his place she bad talked me to family and now Im the "black sheep".
    Nayoluv

    Answer by Nayoluv at 12:05 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • She does not sound weak, she sound selfish to me. Out for herself, even if it means doing her kids wrong. Just do not live your life worrying about your mom that is all.  You can not change your mom. But you can change yourself.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 12:14 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • I dont think you really ever will be able to. Your mom sounds like a horrible, evil, selfish woman who cared only about herself. You arent going to be able to just forget the things she did to you. I think you have to just accept that you got the short end of the stick for mothers. And just use her as a really good example of how not to be. Count yourself lucky that you are the type of individual that was able to break the cycle, and dont let her continue to have power over you by making you bitter. You will always be angry at her, and you have every right for that, but only you can decide what that anger is going to do to your life, use it positily, to help point your life in the right direction, and be proud of yourself for who you are, and dont feel bad that you cant get past it, I dont think anyone really would.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:17 PM on May. 29, 2010

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