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My son is gay and we're looking for a way to tell dh..

our son is 21 and he's absolutely sure he's gay. He's actually in a relationship and he wants to tell dh but we're looking for the less painful way to tell him because he's really manish and traditional. I don't know how he's going to react. Any ideas?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:52 PM on May. 29, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (13)
  • That's a good question and I'm going to be interested to see what others say.

    Did you "know" before ds told you? Do you think your dh might think ds is gay already? Do they have a good relationship to start with?
    kjrn79

    Answer by kjrn79 at 7:05 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • Hmmm Idk know a way to tell dad w/o him getting upset or hurt but maybe you all should just sit down and talk about it. Maybe in a public area if he's the type of guy to blow up. Idk if i'm much help but I hope however way you all decide to tell him, it'll workout
    kyheavensmom

    Answer by kyheavensmom at 7:06 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • Many dads know and are in denial. Don't be surprised if he remains in denial once he hears the truth. My dad was gay and his dad chose the denial route. I think your question is excellent. I just tried to picture myself saying something like that to either one of my parents and couldn't find the right words! I'm just curious why your ds feels the need to tell him about his sexual preference. I'm not bashing. I'm just thinking that we don't tell our parents we are heterosexual or about our sexual fetishes so why tell a parent who they like to be with in such an intimate way? I'm just thinking out loud really. It's more of a theoretical question. I found out my grandson is bi by reading it on his Myspace! lol
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:11 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • I always say cushion the blow with a big dinner out... Take him out, tell him once he's good and full... Men are always easier to deal with when they are full... And make sure there are at least 2 cars... Because if he is really unhappy you may need a second way to get home...

    Good luck!
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 7:12 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • If it were me I would not just come up to him and say "O by the way our son is gay" I would firstbring up gay people in a conversation and kinda hintingly talk to him and ask questions just to be sure to know how he would react and then kinda just tell him the truth.

    looovemybabies

    Answer by looovemybabies at 7:13 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • I wouldn't plan a whole big thing around it, it would probably just make him feel like he is on the spot and everyone knew but him. It's kind of true, but you don't want him to feel that way.
    acurran88

    Answer by acurran88 at 7:27 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • I agree with looovemybabies, I would bring it up before your son talks to him, so that when he does it won't be such a shock and he will be more receptive when your son does talk to him about it. I think it is terrible to be put on the spot when it is such a huge thing for someone like your husband, traditional/macho. At least if you talk to him about it, he will be more ready when your son is ready to talk.
    I would just say to my dh, there is something (Jimmy) wants to talk to you about and I think it is better coming from me. Then I would say, Jimmy came to me and told me he is gay and in a relationship, he is worry about telling you, so I had to tell you first so it isn't such a shock. Then he can vent/cry/rant all he wants and it won't damage his relationship with his son.

    Good luck and BIG HUGS! What a wonderful mom to support your child no matter what! Good Job Momma!
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 7:36 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • i agree that maybe you should tell him alone some time. see what his reaction is, and then hopefully hes willing talk with your son about it too.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 7:43 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • being gay is not a choice nor is there anything wrong with it. if the father loves his son then his orientation should not matter in the least
    aliishott2

    Answer by aliishott2 at 8:34 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • first of all i want to tell you that i am gay. i have been out since i was 18. i told my sister first and she has such a big mouth so she told everyone. but i did have to tll my dad. that was very hard. he was very upset for many years. not twards me, but later on i talked to my step mom about it and she told me he was crushed. i can tell you this, as a child, there is nothing more confussing then to have to come out...and i am not a parent and can not imagine my daughter being gay. this life is hard, and if it was something that we could "choose", then i cant imagine anyone choosing to live this way. i have a really good life, i have a wife that loves me and we have a daughter that is amazing. my dad loves me and so does my mom. i am comfortable in who i am and my realationship as well. but it took me a long time to get this sure of my self. your son needs his parents love and support. cont...
    Preggydyke

    Answer by Preggydyke at 8:35 PM on May. 29, 2010

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