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We lost a baby due to ectopic and now DH & I arent agreeing on BC method. What do you suggest/think?

We were TTC and were so happy when we had a positive test. Sadly a few days after we started having complications which ultimately resulted in finding we had an ectopic pregnancy. Our baby had already died and my tube had ruptured. My abdomen filled with blood and the doctor did emergency surgery to remove my right tube. It has been a month and a half and not that I am sure about anything but I am not wanting to use any BC any more and we don't want to use condoms. Right now we are just pulling out. I am acknowledging that this may not prevent a pregnancy. So I am looking at it that maybe we should just go ahead and let what happens happen. DH doesn't mind pulling out but says he doesn't want to feel like "we're trying" because he's not sure he's ready. I respect that but I also feel that if we do become pregnant I would just prefer we are actually expecting or want to become pregnant. Not just it happened and that's ok...

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Asked by hotrodmomma at 8:54 PM on May. 29, 2010 in Trying to Conceive

Level 18 (6,309 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Not using birth control is a constant emotional roller coster. It is better for your stress levels and for your marriage stress if you use birth control and plan births. You could use a diaphram, cervical cap, or sponge if you don't want to use hormones.


    Answer by Gailll at 9:16 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • i have tried foam b4 and am allergic to it badly! other than that i am just feeling fed up with all the complications i have had with BC's. DH isn't so much against having a baby at all. He just says he "doesn't want to feel like we are trying". I know its been only over a month and I am thinking it's a daddy feeling that he doesn't want to talk about ( I have talked with him about my sadness-it will never go away but he really didn't talk about his at all)-I think he's still holding onto it without telling me. I cant MAKE him talk about it. I can tell he still wants a baby too i think he is just scared of the emotional part of something happening again (as am i) and also feels (same as me) that we wanted 3 babies. We do have our 2 girls with us and 1 angel in heaven -it's like we would be having 4 now and is that what we wanted? I get his questions and doubts but im not sure what to do.

    Answer by hotrodmomma at 9:39 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • For the BC I say if he's not too sure right now leave it in his hands and let him be in charge and wear condoms. If he doesn't want to wear them then he has to know there's a chance that a baby will still be made either way (just less if he wears something). About your added reply, I feel you. I had always said I wouldn't mind four kids (4 being my max). I should have been 9 wks today however I have whats called a blighted ovum and am just waiting to miscarry. So I still consider this a baby just as much as the others. I just never thought that when I said 4 did I mean 4 pregnancies or give birth 4 times? I all ready had a name picked out (we we're both hoping for a 2nd girl) and I was set on Tessa meaning "fourth child". Now I just don't know what I'm going to do. I feel if we try for a 2nd girl (and get her) I wouldn't feel right naming her Tessa cause she would be my 5th to me. (((hugs mama)))

    Answer by Dianebrooke at 11:12 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • Thank you Dianebrooke! This is the question and doubt we are facing and both dealing with differently. Did we want 3 pregnancies or 3 children with us here on Earth? We both acknowledge we have 3 (2 with us and 1 in heaven) this is just the question im not sure if we will ever know the answer to?

    Answer by hotrodmomma at 11:40 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • I hope you can figure out whats best for y'all. My mom has all ready told me to start taking folic acid a couple of months before conceiving again (if we want to) and DH has all ready asked if I wanted to just go ahead and get the "Essure" done. I don't know, can't I just deal with this first? My doctor has been the only one to say I don't have to decide anything yet and I don't know how long it will take me to decide -if I ever do. I am so sorry for your loss (((hugs)))

    Answer by Dianebrooke at 2:54 PM on May. 30, 2010

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