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Bonding durring pregnancy?

I have two boys. I was watching the View the other day and SJP was talking about how mothers get 9 months to bond with their unborn babies... I don't understand this... I mean, I had two full term pregnancies but I never felt as if there was any bond there - none what so ever. It was just a baby, just a pregnancy. It wasn't until they were born and a few weeks old that I felt any kind of bond forming... I thought that was normal... Now I'm thinking it must not be...

I'm pregnant now, and feel no bond. It's JUST a baby to me... I have no bigger bond with this baby than I do some kid on TV. Again, I thought that was normal... But after hearing that, I'm thinking it might not be...

What do you all think?

Answer Question
 
SabrinaMBowen

Asked by SabrinaMBowen at 9:53 PM on May. 29, 2010 in Pregnancy

Level 40 (122,988 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • I was watching that View too... for me we found out the sex of our babies at about 18 weeks... so each had their name given to them even before they were born... I referred to my babies by their names at that point. So I feel as if I was bonded to a person even before they were born, not just to the abstract "baby". That's how it was for me though. ;o)

    Morgain

    Answer by Morgain at 10:04 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • I bonded a lot with my baby when I was pregnant. I would rock and read stories to him. I would talk to him a lot. I felt closer to him than anyone else. I still feel extremely close to him now that he is born.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:05 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • We found out the sexes and chose names too... But until it was here, it didn't ever feel real. It was/is like waiting for vacation. You're happy it's coming, but until you are actually there, it's not real...
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 10:07 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • I think what they mean is the different stages baby is in, inside your tummy. We are totally aware of morning sickness, and the first butterfly kicks. The constant mental state of trying to eat healthy foods instead of running for junk food. I was the worst eater in the world before I found out I was preggo. OMG,,I started drinking tomatoe juice in place of my coffee. I had cereal in place of my junk chips. I changed so much about myself. That is bonding with baby. That is taking care of baby for the nine months before baby is born. Pre-natal vitamins, heck I never used to take vitamins. I never ate so healthy as I did when I was preggo. My baby was part of every single second of my day when I was pg, so was my second one. That is what bonding means to me :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:12 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • I would say this isn't normal and might actually think this was a fake question had you posted anon. I have no idea what other moms think, but I definately bonded with my babies when I was pregnant. They were my offspring and I could feel all their little kicks and moves inside of me. I did hate being pregnant, but I definately felt a bond with my baby and as soon as they were born, I cried tears of joy. I held them close to me and immediately felt bonded and immense love. I've never heard of a mom saying they don't feel bond during pregnancy. I'm not trying to be judgemental, I just don't understand how you couldn't.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 10:20 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • I guess I feel the opposite, I don't understand how you could. I mean, I just never felt it... Until there is a baby there, in my arms... Until I see it, hold it, feel it... It's just not "a baby" to me... And even at that it took me a LONG time to bond with my kids... Months and months... I hear moms say the second their baby was born was the happiest moment of their life - for me, it was like any other moment... Hell I think I was like 10th in line to hold them, and that never bothered me. I was more annoyed that my mother snuck in the delivery room than anything else. There was no "beautiful" moment or anything for me... It was just a birth. Nothing spectacular... I guess I wish I could have that, but I just can't. I have no more of a bond to my unborn baby than I do anyone else's...
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 10:26 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • I definitely have bonded with my babies before their birth. I'm pregnant with my 5th and I talk to her, sing to her, rub my belly (which does seem to calm her down). They've all seemed to have their own little personalities, even while they were still in my tummy - this one's a kicker so I'm expecting an active little girl and can't wait until she's here!
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 10:30 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • Well, everyone is different. As long as you take care of your kids, love, and provide for them, then you shouldn't feel bad.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 10:31 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • LOL lowencope... I hated being preggers too!! I just wanted that kid OUT of me!!!
    Morgain

    Answer by Morgain at 10:32 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • Do you think it could have something to do with the fact that I didn't plan any of them? I mean, I was fine being childless, and frankly didn't want kids... Then we got pregnant, then we got pregnant again RIGHT AWAY, and now with this one, I am FAR from happy about it... I thought we were done with all the baby stuff and we got pregnant through 3 types of BC...

    It's like Karma is paying me back for not wanting kids by not allowing me to bond or something...
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 10:33 PM on May. 29, 2010

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