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She smokes, and its my baby!

So I am adopting a baby, the woman is still pregnant, but she smokes! I've tried to tell her and all she told me was that she has 'cut back'. What can I do?! this is the baby I will have, love and raise for the rest of its life, and she(the birth mother) doesn't want anything to do with the baby afterward. I don't want MY CHILD to come out with defects b/c of a young selfish girl doesn't want to stop smoking. Any ideas on what I should do? We have already signed the papers, and my husband and I are already so attached to this child and bought him clothes and a crib EVRYTHING, what should I tell her to get her to quit?


Asked by Anonymous at 10:56 PM on May. 29, 2010 in Pregnancy

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • ditto with pp :02. not much you can do BUT if it makes you feel better I know several people that have smoked while pregnant with perfectly healthy babies. in fact, I don't know any that have smoked and had babies with problems. all you can do is continue to ask her nicely (you can't MAKE her quit but that doesn't mean you have to stop pushing the issue) and pray for the best. accompany her to dr. appointments and make sure the dr. knows she smokes.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:05 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • You can't she has free will. There is absolutely nothing you can do to make her stop smoking. I'm sorry you can ask her nicely or get rude about it. In the end it's her choice.

    Answer by lowencope at 11:00 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • I understand how you feel, but this baby is not yours yet. I am not aware of any state that the mother cannot change her mind.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:02 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • OP- you right..not what I wanted to hear. I can't have children so we are adopting, and this is our 'first'. Im just so worried about my baby

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:02 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • this is a really tough situation, but the problem here is it's her body. you can't make her quit. if it helps at all my best friend smoked 2-3 cigarettes a day most days of her pregnancy and her daughter is healthy and thriving.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:02 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • OP- well for the first month she didn't know she was pregnant so she smoked almost 2 packs a day, and now she limits it to 4 a day

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:04 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • Unless it's a surrogate situation, and not an adoption, there is NOTHING you can do... She is the mother and has all the same rights and freedoms as any other mother would. Until that baby is born and all the paperwork is 100% final, that baby isn't legally yours... You always have the option of finding another mother/baby though...

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 11:05 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • Try not to worry. Smoking is a terrible thing for a pregnant woman to do, but all by itself, it truly is unlikely to cause any serious, long-term effects to your child, once he is OUT of her body, in your (hopefully, tobacco-free) home. If she is eating  right, getting prenatal care, and absent any other drugs or alcohol, etc. it's not like she's out partying and all.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:08 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • It's too late if you are worried about birth defects. Birth defects happen in the first weeks of pregnancy. What you can do is get a breast pump and start working on bringing in your milk so you can breastfeed. You may not be able to do anything about the birth mom smoking but you can give your baby the best gift ever, breastfeeding.


    Answer by Gailll at 11:09 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • You say you have already signed the papers so are you saying its to late to choose another baby. Would you really not want to adopt a baby because the mother smokes

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:13 PM on May. 29, 2010