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Need answers from you young people out there....

Grandma here. DD is in her twenties with two kids of her own. Daddy is "currently" not in the picture. So, DD is raising the kiddos by herself. The only place we could find for her to rent is not the cleanest place, but it's theirs. She has issues with mice. She doesn't own a lot. Kids are always well taken care of, bathes, food, etc... but as a Grandma it bothers me to think that they aren't living how I want them to be. I provide a lot of my time and money to help them out, but am unable to have them living with me at the present. Daughter is just fine and happy to be on her own with the kids. I want to go over there and clean the place up and give it a good coat of paint. I don't want to offend her though. So, with that in mind, younger moms, how would you feel, or what help would you suggest I give? How far do I go??? Thanks...

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:16 PM on May. 29, 2010 in Just for Fun

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • and if the kids arent old enough, then tell her that you are proud of her and she has worked so hard that as a gift to her, you would like to go pick out some paint and things and paint one day while she does something fun with the kids. then, you can do more cleaning while she is gone and if she objects when she comes home to all you have done, just tell her "Sorry, I know I should have asked but I know you are really busy and I just wanted you to know how proud i am of you." She cant argue that. :) Good Luck, you are an awesome woman for being careful not to over step boundaries.
    jenellemarie

    Answer by jenellemarie at 12:08 AM on May. 30, 2010

  • I dunno just ask if her you can because you want to improve her living conditions. If she says no then don't press it any further.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 11:19 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • Well, it's not her fault that the mice are there....I wouldn't find it intrusive if my parents/mother gave me mouse traps. Talk to her first about the paint...I'm sure she wouldn't mind...it's an upgrade and it it'll make it nicer for her and her kids right?
    I think the things you've mentioned here aren't going way far as long as you talk to her FIRST before you do anything!
    I'm 25 with 4 kids btw :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:20 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • You can ask her what plans she has for the place next time you are there. When she begins discussing what colors she would like things or how she would like things arranged you can then offer to buy the paint or help her with whatever else she wants done. This way, she will not feel like you are telling her that she is doing something wrong. You are letting her voice the changes she wants to make and you're simply offering a helping hand. Hopefully, that helps =)
    imamommmmyyy

    Answer by imamommmmyyy at 11:21 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • To be honest, if it were me, I wouldn't want any help. My mother and grandmother come here once in a while to help with the kids and they always do the dishes or something... I HATE IT! I mean, it's one thing if I ask for help, but if I don't ask, I don't want it - PERIOD. If I were you, and you really feel that awful, make an offer, but if she doesn't want it, back off...
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 11:22 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • Well, you're mom, and if you 2 have a good relationship- tell her what you just told us. Have a heart to heart, and just tell her how you feel in the best possible way you can.

    If she's not happy with the idea, don't push it. But, sometimes we feel guilty asking for, or accepting help, even if we need it... Offer to let her pick a nice color to spruce the place up, or new curtains, things to make it feel like home to her. Her own home.
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 11:26 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • my mom had me at 15, now she's 33 almost 34, and as of 5years ago she has been earning 6figures easily. She always has saud, no one helped me, not even your dad, and look at me now...

    anyway
    i think helping her a lot and making her dependent can have adverse effects. Maybe helping her with a deposit, just like a one time thing so she can move somewhere nicer, but not help with rent all of the time, etc.
    DomoniqueWS

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 11:28 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • i think you should help her and your grandchildren as much as you want and possibly can. its tough in this world today. the economy is horrible. my mom was supporting while i went through college, i had 2 semesters left before i graduated with my associates when i got pregnant. now my son is a year old and ive been finished with my associates for months now, but i cant find a job ANYWHERE. im still with my SO and he helps as much as he can, but he only makes 10.50 an hr & we live in NY so living is really expensive. its 1310 for our 1 bdrm, its really nice though. my mom refused to let me and my son live in a shit hole. my SO gives her $125 a week towards rent & etc, he pays for the gas in the car, & helps with other random things. my mom pays the rest of the rent, my cell phone bill, the utility bills - cable, my car payment & car insurance, buys my son clothes, buys me clothes, gives me spending money, etc.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 11:39 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • i mean, she has the money so why wouldnt she? but she is kind of struggling now with this rent and things .. im looking for a job everywhere, and obviously she is only paying my rent and things until i can land a good job where im going to be able to afford daycare and my bills and things. but i think even then, my mom will still help me out just because she likes to. she worked her ass off to work her way to this career she has now, so that she can support her daughter and give us a good life. plus im her only child, so she likes to spoil me and thinks of my son as her baby also and loves to spoil him.
    i plan on doing the same for my children.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 11:40 PM on May. 29, 2010

  • I would send a letter. Say "on these dates (give her time to prepare her heart and home) i was wondering if i could come over, give you a break, help you spring clean, i found some nice paint..."
    txdaniella

    Answer by txdaniella at 11:43 PM on May. 29, 2010

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