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If your husband told you he was going to get it somewhere else if you wern't going to give him any sex or bjs, what would you do?

I'm 4 weeks post partum C-section and I have not been in the mood. Not to mention my husband has been a total ass since the baby was born. He helped for the 1st week out of the hospital and thats it. He goes fishing every weekend instead of being home with us. Tonight he told me that if I didnt give him head he would go find it elsewhere. He said I'm not giving him what he wants...ugh wtf? What should I do? Just give in so he doesn't leave or throw in the towel?

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:00 AM on May. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • This is tough. A lot of men after a baby is born can get jealous I think that on some level that is playing a role here. Also I would strongly suggest counseling for you both, that is very aggressive and unsympathetic of him and very emotional for you. Also to threatened to cheat to strong arm you into giving in is NEVER OK! I would call that for what it is. And you both need help as a couple and that's ok often times couples go through extremely hard spots.

    Honestly, my husband can get slightly pushy for sex at times. Not right after the baby but other times sure and honestly I did "give in" not because I fear he would cheat but because I wanted to make him happy...even when I wasn't in the mood.

    Good luck and congrats on the baby :) 


    Answer by Sarahedger at 4:06 AM on May. 30, 2010

  • before i got preg we had sex 3-6 times a day
    post pregnancy i didnt touch him in a sexual way until 6 weeks after
    we didnt have sex again after that for another month

    he was kind of annoyed, i could tell, but he would never threaten to leave, that being really manipulative and unfair and you need to stand your ground and if he thinks he sould go elsewhere tell him to leave the house key and take a bag, because he will not be coming back, and let him know his stuff will be on the door step in one day so he may get it at any time, and it will be out with the trash if it sits for longer than a week.

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 4:09 AM on May. 30, 2010

  • He sounds like a selfish immature asshole,and after just having a baby I dont think I could stand being in a relationship with someone that thinks I should just drop to my knees and give him head,or he will cheat on me! ha! maybe in a fantasy slut world! he needs to really grow up and realize he is not the baby,HIS CHILD is the baby and there are two other people needs in the house other than HIS and im positive those needs are more important than him getting his d!kk wet!

    Answer by mommy16love at 4:56 AM on May. 30, 2010

  • Men, I swear. Your DH needs to understand that your body is going through a serious hormone shift right now and is healing. I personally don't even want to give DH a BJ if I am not in the mood too.  I would tell him to speak with your doctor about it so they can explain it better to him WHY you are not in the mood right now.  I would tell him if he threatens you with cheating EVER again to find a damn good lawyer.  Remind him of how it would make him look with his family and friends if he cheated because you JUST gave birth.  What an ass


    Answer by Anonymous at 4:59 AM on May. 30, 2010

  • Okay I am back again...something about this is very disturbing to me. After thinking on this a long time I think I would leave him. I would go stay with my Mom or Dad if you can...maybe even a sister. I wonder if he is already cheating. For him to say it so easily and over something so petty shakes me up. I am not saying that you should leave for good but a trial separation would at least show his commitment level and also his true colors. I really hope you and your child are ok. I think your husband has to say the very least lost sight of his focus.

    Warmest wishes!


    Answer by Sarahedger at 6:37 AM on May. 30, 2010

  • I'm with the others...tell him "don't let the door hit ya, where the good Lord split ya!" LOL Seriously....has he always been this, uh "demanding?!" If so, that should have been a HUGE red flag to you before you had a child with him, but now that your child is here, he needs to grow up and be a FATHER first!

    If he can't or won't be a good father and role model to your child, then tell him you're going to find someone who IS going to be a good father and role model!!! LOL Give him a taste of his own medicine! :o)

    Answer by LoriKeet at 7:02 AM on May. 30, 2010

  • I have to be honest here: My ex-husband was a lying, cheating sack of crap. And even HE never said anything like that to me after our child was born. Now, granted, he was probably doing it, but even he had enough sense to know that you never, ever say that to your wife, whether you mean it or not.

    If I were in your shoes, I'd just flat out tell him that if he gets it elsewhere, he'd better start putting money aside to cover child support and alimony and make sure to plan every other weekend around his child. I would NOT tolerate being told that.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 7:26 AM on May. 30, 2010

  • Wow, what a DICK! I told my husband before my daughter came that he should expect me to go down on him anymore after I had my daughter. I can relate with the woman that say that husband change and get jealous because a new human is at home and it's taken all the attention from the couple or him to this new arrival. I'd be frank with him and let him know that you love him and he needs to respect you also. You need time for your body to adjust and for you to take it easy for a while. Reminding him that his little person is part of him also and he needs to help out also, will get him some sex soon (if you feel up to it and want to say it), I know when my daughter was born my husband was the opposit. We didn't have sex for 6 months or more since we were always so tired.

    Answer by happynewyorker at 7:42 AM on May. 30, 2010

  • I would tell him I just had your child and this is the way you treat me. It is not all about you(your DH). I would tell him if he is going to throw our marriage away because I can't/wont have sex after the birth of his child. Go,,, and take your stuff with you. We are through.

    Answer by louise2 at 8:02 AM on May. 30, 2010

  • It's verbal abuse and manipulation. Personally I'd tell him to not let the door hit him on the a** on the way out the door but that's just me. I do things for my SO bc I want to do them but if he ever gave me an ultimatum like that I'd tell him to go find someone and let me know how it went. He can give himself a hand job until you feel better.

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:26 AM on May. 30, 2010

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