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Is spanking-induced good behavior REALLY good behavior?

If someone hit me, I'd try my best not to mess up again, for fear I'd get hit again. Then again, if someone took the time to explain to me what I did wrong, I'd try my best not to mess up, because I'd know what to do better next time.

I see a lot of moms on here bragging about how their spanked kids are more obediant than the children they ASSUME are not spanked. But is that obediance motivated by fear?

Is motivating children by way of spankings BETTER than motivating children by explaining right from wrong?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:30 PM on May. 30, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (34)
  • I don't spank my toddler, because I don't want him to think hitting is ok. I wont spank my kids, because it's a confusing and humiliating form of punishment. Plus it hurts, so it's just mean. I wont hit my teenagers, because I want them to respect me, not hate me. So those are my reasons why I will never spank or hit my kids. IMO there are so many better ways to discipline. I was spanked and slapped once as a teen. And it made me think my mom was pretty shitty. I don't really care what other moms do to parent their kids in their household. I just hope they don't do it out of anger or laziness.
    thisloveofmine

    Answer by thisloveofmine at 10:49 PM on May. 30, 2010

  • OMG do you really want to start this argument again????? Spankers say it is okay, non spankers say it is not - you will never convince one side to cross over - this argument has been going for many many years, and you are not gonna solve it on CafeMom
    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 9:34 PM on May. 30, 2010

  • Seriously... Yes, I believe some kids need to be 'reminded'... Other kids don't need the physical punishment. Get over it already!
    RutterMama

    Answer by RutterMama at 9:36 PM on May. 30, 2010

  • You think people spank with no explanation to a child what they did wrong and why they shouldn't do it again?
    BlooBird

    Answer by BlooBird at 9:37 PM on May. 30, 2010

  • OP

    You are not required to answer if you don't want to. I'm asking because it's something I've been thinking about lately. I'm not looking to start drama...I'm looking for a mature discussion.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:38 PM on May. 30, 2010

  • When you spank, you DO explain right and wrong. And it is not inducing good behavior. It is training the child to obey his parents. You don't spank for just any and every offense. You spank for matters of direct disobedience and for being disrespectful to authority. You warn first and you explain at that time why the behavior is unacceptable. Then if it is continued, that's when you spank. It does not create fear. It creates RESPECT. So, the answer to your question is that it is not obedience motivated by fear. It is reather obedience motivated by respect for the parents' willingness to require it!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:40 PM on May. 30, 2010

  • LOL if you aren't looking for drama you are asking the wrong question! Why ask anon if you aren't expecting drama? Get over it - spank or don't spank, I don't give a crap!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:44 PM on May. 30, 2010

  • OP

    Growing up, I was spanked, but except for one incident, I don't remember what I was being spanked for. All I remember is the spanking. I'm sure my parents explained what I had done wrong, but I can't remember what the spankings were for, so I didn't learn anything...you see what I mean? My behavior may have changed (temporarily), but no lessons were really learned.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:45 PM on May. 30, 2010

  • Anon:40 nicely explained - that is exactly how spanking should be used, if you are going to use it, not just whacking wildly because you have lost your temper. But I know Moms who use time out so many times that the kid spends more time in timeout than in the real world and others who think a quick slap at every offense is okay. Any kind of discipline can be misused, or inappropriate, I actually think the respect/fear has more to do with the anger or viciousness that comes from the parent, not from the actual form of punishment. My Grandmother had a tongue that could rip your heart to shreds. She never raised her hand, but she was so mean you never wanted to cross her- out of fear, not respect
    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 9:49 PM on May. 30, 2010

  • OP, do you remember every single Math lesson in school, or just a couple? But you can do Math pretty competently now?? Just because you don't recall the words spoken doesn't mean no lesson was learned. I know how to make a good casserole, I don't remember every single one, but over time mistakes have been made, bad (seriously BAD) food has been eaten and I have leant to cook better
    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 9:51 PM on May. 30, 2010