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love, hate relationship

I have a love, hate relationship for my SO. We live together, have a daughter and I love him but we never spend time with him, I never get complimented, barely have sex, we arent the nicest people to eachother.
I honestly dont know why we are together but despite that, I love him and cant really see life without him because i do want to be happy with him.
Is this reversable? Does anyone have any suggestions on how we can strengthen our relationship back up?

Also, im finding myself wanting other men. STRONGLY wanting other men amd dreaming about being with other men and if it wasnt for my respect and strength to refrain from it, i would cheat and get my affection elsewhere. If anyone has fought these urges, any tips or advice on how to make them go away for good would be amazing....

I dont want to feel the way i do..Ive never been unfaithful and dont plan on being so.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:21 PM on May. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • There is no hope for the relationship if one or more don't want there to be change. You both have to want to rebuild your relationship and rebuild that friendship, because one person fighting the fight is a losing battle. So the first step is to sit down with him and find out where he stands in this relationship. Is here just here for convenience? Is he just here because you two have a child together? Or is he here because he genuinely loves being with you? If it's for convience or souly because of the child then cut your losses. No person should be with another unless it is genuinely for that said person. When you two have discussed where you stand in the relationship then talk about what lacks. Stay calm, because most men have a hard time conversating about the depths of relationships. (Contin)
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:28 PM on May. 30, 2010

  • sounds more like your addicted to his presence...not really in love.
    I was this way with my first husband, we could not get along when we were together and yet could not live without eachother...that is when it becomes addiction like behavior.
    like drugs you hate the drugs and what they do to you yet you go back for more.
    you have to learn about addiction and understand before you can really move on...I'm not really crazy...once you research the affects of people can have on us and why we can become addicted...you will get an idea and be able to move on.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:29 PM on May. 30, 2010

  • (Contin) Let him know how you feel, but don't hesitate to sit back and listen to how he feels. Try to approach this in a casual yet serious manner as not to make him feel like you're attacking him. The second he feels ambushed I garuntee you it'll turn into blood shed and he'll shut down. (Unless he's the rare breed) As you two explore how you feel about being together you can then see where this is going. You, personally, need to decide if your being with him and loving with him is more platonic then romantic. Because he might lack in what you need/want in a mate, but he might excell in what you need/want from a friend.

    Your want for other men could be due to the lack of romance from your partner. It could also be that you just can't bring yourself to end it with your SO, so you daydream of a real relationship instead. So in all. Sit down and talk this over with your SO. Skip the wanting other men talk with him though.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:34 PM on May. 30, 2010

  • I was like this before my former fiance and I broke up. The time apart helped us. Maybe you should try this too? (a break).
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:18 AM on May. 31, 2010

  • One thing I might suggest is taking the lead to change the relationship. Start being nice to him even in spite of his distance. What does he like? Do that for him. My husband was distant when I was always complaining and I didn't support or accept who he was as a person. I stopped that and he is a lot different now. He seems to enjoy my company again. We also separated for a time as well. The only thing you can do is try to be the women he needs. If you do that and still he doesn't change then you have to decide if you can live with this.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 9:01 AM on May. 31, 2010

  • Also if I was having thoughts of other men I would tell him. It would make it harder to get away with and may make him see that there is a problem.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 9:10 AM on May. 31, 2010

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