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I stop caring and he runs with it

For the past 4 years of our marriage, I have nagged him and accused him of cheating (brought a girl home 4 times when I wasn't home). Since my last pregnancy, I just couldn't deal with the stress and decided that he can do whatever and it won't bother me anymore. Now he goes to strip clubs more often, talk to one of the girls that he brought over, and even told me he wants to see naked pictures of other women. He even asked me to send him one of the pics he took of his coworker naked (I kept it for evidence when I found out but never deleted it). When I opened the folder with the pics, it did nothing but bring back hurtful memories. Since then, it's been hard to have any emotion... including to my kids. I need to know what can I do to get out of this bad feeling and back to my 'brush it off' feeling. I felt better when I didn't care.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:29 AM on May. 31, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • op: please people. I need someone to talk to. This was bottled up for at least a week.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:43 AM on May. 31, 2010

  • MARRIAGE COUNSELING. For both of you. IMMEDIATELY.

    Or file for divorce. This CANNOT continue. DO NOT have sex with him anymore unless you get marriage counseling.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 5:21 AM on May. 31, 2010

  • You deserve better, intead of stopping caring it sounds like you gave up. It's not healthy to put yourself through this, and not fair to your kids either. If he doesn't want to be faithful or treat you as good as you deserve, then he shouldn't have the privelige of coming home to you every night. Don't be his doormat, he's taking advantage of the fact that you're no longer up for fighting for his respect. I'm sorry but I hope you never get back to that "brush it off" feeling... it's horrible that you've been pushed so far that you would even want that. What he's doing is beyond wrong, it sounds like he trampled your self esteem and is now taking advantage of the fact that you no longer see that you deserve and could have better.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:28 AM on May. 31, 2010

  • Even though you feel like you've brushed it off, the pain is still there. This isn't going to stop hurting and it's only going to get worse. Are you in an open marriage? Are you doing things with whoever you want? Is that they type of relationship you have or want? If not this needs to be talked about and counseling would be the best place to do it. I wouldn't feel like a respected partner in your position.
    TraceNspace

    Answer by TraceNspace at 7:13 AM on May. 31, 2010

  • I think its time for marriage counseling. If he wont go, you need to leave. Its worse for the kids to be raised in a home where their father is irresponsible and flat out disrespectful to their mother. Whatever you tolerate, you are teaching your children that its ok. Its not good to bottle up your feelings or just brush things like this off. You brush off leaving the toilet seat up, not bringing women into your home.
    Aqua_Jen

    Answer by Aqua_Jen at 7:22 AM on May. 31, 2010

  • To me when one person stops caring the relationship is over. He stopped caring first with the interest in other women, it sounds like you just followed suit.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 8:49 AM on May. 31, 2010

  • Leave and get tested for every STD under the sun. He sounds like he is intentionally trying to hurt you. If you think there is something to save in the marriage, go to marriage therapy. If he isn't willing, go yourself. You need to be emotionally healthy and available even if he isn't the man in your life.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:45 AM on May. 31, 2010

  • It sounds like you both have kind of given up on the marriage, and now it is time to sit down and be honest with each other-- do you both want to keep the marriage? If so you both will have to go to marriage counseling and both give it 100% and work on the marriage. Otherwise if 1 or both of you are not fully 100% committed to keeping the marriage and working at it then it would be time to call it quits and separate.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 9:58 AM on May. 31, 2010

  • I agree you need to sit down with him and have a talk if both of you want to save this marriage then you need counseling if he's not willing then you need to pack up and leave. No one should have to put up with a guy like that.
    countrygirl06

    Answer by countrygirl06 at 12:09 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • He isn't commited to your union and he's disrespecting you and sees it as you're allowing it. If this bothers you and he doesn't want to change it for the sake of your marriage and foresake all others, get rid of his ass. You and your kids need for you to be healthy not just in body, but in MIND. They know when you're happy and sad way more than you may think. Even difference in tone of your voice is picked up, demeanor. They may think things are their fault. Try to get counseling for YOU (I don't suggest for you and hubby unless he wants to fix what's wrong). Put yourself back together and take care of you and your kids.

    Best wishes, mama.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 7:45 PM on May. 31, 2010

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