Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I'm disturbed -would you say something to MIL?

I'm about 95% sure I heard my MIL tell my 3 year old daughter "you won't depend on anyone." She also gave her thumbs up, which my daughter copied and had a huge smile on her face. I didn't hear the whole thing so I don't know the context...but what could it have been? I'm a SAHM and therefore dependent on her son. She is a man hater. What would you say and how would you approach it?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:46 AM on May. 31, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (7)
  • i would bring it up. because its your child and don't want your daughter to think you depend on your husband. its a marriage not a business. you aren't your husbands employee. you are just as much of a partner in the relationship as he is. i would bring it up. good luck.

    Answer by lambdarose at 8:12 AM on May. 31, 2010

  • I wouldn't say anything, for a couple of reasons - 1) your daughter is only 3, so whatever your MIL is trying to teach her is probably going in one ear and out the other, you as her mother will have much more influence on her outlook in life; 2) the thumbs up is probably just something your daughter thinks is a new skill and she's proud to have mastered it; 3) and even if your MIL is secretly bashing you for being a SAHM that's her problem. I'm also a SAHM after working 20 years in banking, and although I depend on dh to bring home a paycheck, he depends on me for everything else.
    MIL probably thinks she's trying to help your 3 YO become a strong, independant woman who can take care of herself. What she needs to realize is that there are ways to teach her to do that without bashing other people's decisions. Raising a family is a very co-dependant situation between both parents :-)

    Answer by plylerjones at 8:13 AM on May. 31, 2010

  • Just assume she was focusing on the positive aspect of empowerment, and having a bonding experience with your daughter/her grand-daughter. You can't control every conversation she has with her. I wouldn't say anything.

    Answer by BJoan at 8:36 AM on May. 31, 2010

  • i wouldnt worry....even if she did tell your little girl that she wont depend on any one. that is not a bad thing. she may eventually settle down and have her own family but while she is a young woman she needs to be able to take care of herself and not be LOOKING for someone to take care of her. when she gets married it is diff cuz then your not depending on anyone cuz your a team but while your out in the single dating world, it is nice to hold your head up high and say i am an independent woman and i can take care of myself. this will also help her raise her standards in men cuz she wont want a mooch! i tell my girl the same thing. well similar i am a cook at a restaraunt cuz i made bad decisions when i was younger and didnt further my schooling. she says when she grow up she wants to do that too. i tell her NO YOUR NOT..your going to go to college and do anything your heart desires. IMO maybe just leave it be.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:25 AM on May. 31, 2010

  • I wouldn't worry about it. She wants her grand daughter to be a strong independent woman. Depending on a man so that you take care of the children is definately okay and a great thing if the money is there to do that. A woman should always have a way to take care of herself though. If something happens to DH, then what will she do for money? It's good have a good life insurance policy, a savings account, and some kind of education that would help you acquire a well paying job. I would worry if she was bad mouthing you or saying something that would not be helpful to her adult life, but I think she is giving her valuable advice. I don't think it was personal attack against you. JMO

    Answer by lowencope at 10:20 AM on May. 31, 2010

  • Not a bad lesson to teach little girls IMO:) I get that she is not the mom, but it wouldn't hurt to build on that piece of advice. FYI - I'm just like you and completely depend on my dh as my mom and grandmas did before me and wished that I had been raised with that empowering bit of advice.


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:43 AM on May. 31, 2010

  • Considering you have no idea what the context was and what prompted her to say it, I wouldn't say anything to her. It could be that it was totally innocent and you're jumping to conclusions.

    Answer by EmilyandIsaac at 11:23 AM on May. 31, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.