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What do you think of a Man saying its ok to change your surname to that of your children after you had children together out of wedlock. But he is not interested in getting married to you. And has given both your fitted wedding ring and his fitted wedding ring to his mom to hold on since the year 2004, the year he said he had plans to marry you?


Asked by pumpkinpie778 at 7:52 AM on May. 31, 2010 in Relationships

Level 7 (201 Credits)
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Answers (5)
  • I agree - I think he's wanting to have his cake and eat it, too. He wants to have all the benefits of being married, and he wants to make everyone think that you're married (thus, he has a "claim" on you). BUT - he wants to stay single so that he has his "easy out" if he decides the relationship is done, and he can still be single.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:28 AM on May. 31, 2010

  • I'd think that he's perfectly happy having his cake and eating it, too. You've let him get by with this and now he's going to keep doing it unless you put your foot down. You have to ask yourself how much do you want to be married to him. Because you CAN be married to him, you just have to be prepared to leave. You have to be prepared to accept the small chance that he doesn't take the bait with an ultimatum. I personally believe an ultimatum is the only way for a man like this.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:57 AM on May. 31, 2010

  • I think I'd change my kids names to my name and tell him to shove it :)


    Answer by Anonymous at 8:10 AM on May. 31, 2010

  • Yep, me too, I'd change the kids' names to match mine & kick him to the curb! Like the pp said, what incentive does this guy have to actually marry you if you're willing to let him have all of the benefits with none of the responsibility?

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:32 AM on May. 31, 2010

  • Maybe he has commitment phobias or something. He is your SO and the father of your kids (I am guessing), so there is no reason for him to have commitment phobias. Just curious, but how is the relationship between you and his mother? I have to say, if it were my son, I would tell him to man up and hold the rings himself and not involve me in his emotional blackmail. That is what he is doing, you know? If you ever have problems he probably runs to his mommy to talk to her about it and she feels more resolve to hold onto those rings to punish you passive aggressively. He never should have involved her and he is refusing to man up. Tell him you like the ring of your kid's first names with your last name and see what he says then.


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:36 AM on May. 31, 2010