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Does bio-mom try to enforce her house rules?

For stepmoms: does the BM in your life try to enforce her house rules in your house? My husband's ex tries to tell us when to put them to bed and when they eat when they are at our house visiting. My stepson doesn't listen and was playing on a razor scooter and did a "wheelie jump" and scraped his elbow (he is 6). His sister told his mom and she wrote an email complaining that he should have been wearing a helmet. He didn't hurt his head and he was in the backyard! We have our rules and she has her house rules. Why can't she leave us alone? Oh, we are on a website where the judge can read our emails, So I think she just writes things so we look bad. Anyone else with this problem?


Asked by Anonymous at 1:28 PM on May. 31, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Two different households, two different set of rules. Kids have to learn to be flexible. They have different rules & schedules at school too. As stepmom, you need to have some authority & respect too. I don't see anything wrong with how you handled it. In a perfect world, all parents would get along and work together. Unfortunately, this isn't a perfect world.

    BTW, my kids don't wear helmets either. I never owned one & I survived childhood just fine.

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 7:48 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • My hubby's ex wife tried to tell us what to do with "their" son before she passed away. Now, her grandmother and dad try to tell us what to do with our children from discipline to religion. Its very annoying and I usually end reminding her dad that he raised two dead beat mothers and that the judge told him (the bm's dad) that we were awesome parents and he wished he had more parents in his court room like us. I adopted him thank God so, they know I don't have to answer their calls or allow visits so, that keeps them in check.

    Sounds like your BM is just trying to make herself look better in the court room. Thats a good idea though exchanging e-mails so the judge can read them.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 1:35 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • YES! omg, i was so put out one night, my sd was having a cow about eating (the girl wont eat), and dh called the ex to find out if it's been that way the ex gets on the phone with my sd, and tells her all she has to do is take "X" more bites..i was the next night, dh caught some kind of virus, so he was stuck in bed, and of course sd didn't listen to me..well that night, another "sit and let's pout" happened, and she tells me "i want to call my mom and see how many more bites i have to take.....i made her cry that night...i told her that when she was here that she had to listen to what her dad and myself tell her, and that what her mom says does not go for our house. i felt horrible about it, but she wasn't going to do that when she had only taken one bite of something she requested for dd, who was 1 at the time out ate her everyday! i'm not harsh like the post sounds, but you're going to

    Answer by mom_to_kenzie at 1:38 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • eat when we eat, or you go to bed hungry.

    Answer by mom_to_kenzie at 1:39 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • i think it depends on whose home the kid(s) spend more time in. and its not to piss off the stepmoms, but its so routine stays the same at both dd lives me with 99% of the time..he gets her on some weekends..she is 6, and yes she must wear a helmet when shes on her scooter and her bike..and she says..well dad doesnt make me..sooo i went and had a talk with him and his gf and said please make sure she wears her helmet when shes on them..and yes i do suggest a bedtime..unless its summer..i could care less..but when she has school the next day, then i tell him, she needs to be in bed no later than 8-815..(shes in bed by no later than 745 when shes with me) i just think that when your co-parenting in these situations, ya need to make sure you guys have the same routine, limits, boundaries makes it easier for the kid(s)..they can adjust more better, and its just easier overall when yall are both on the same page

    Answer by alexis_06 at 1:41 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • I think both sides need to come to agreements on rules that are enforced. I am sorry to say but a 6 year old should be wearing a helmet when riding a bike, scooter, skateboarding, or rollerblading. It is just saftey. Think of how you would feel if you sent your child to a friend's house and they didn't care what rules you had. You all have to come to some agreements. It will make your lives so much easier and easier on the kids not to have to remember at this house this is ok but at the other house it isn't.

    Answer by carmadsmom at 1:42 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • Um, sending your kids to a friends house, they still follow your rules. Send them to their fathers' house, they follow father's rules. She is trying to make him look bad, and they have NEVER agreed on anything and aren't allowed to talk to each other besides the email. They are total opposites and I dont' think we should raise the children HER way just because she has primary physical custody: she harms the children psychologically; but we can't do anything about that.
    I didn't have helmets when I was 6, if he was listening and not being stupid, he wouldn't have scraped his elbow. I didn't know a child would have a helmet in the backyard. That is too overprotective.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:55 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • OH, OP HERE^^^

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:55 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • well, first off, the bio mom has a schedule for a reason. To keep the kids in line. Without a schedule, things tend to lead to ciaos. I see nothing wrong with requesting that you stick to her schedule within reason. I have this problem with my soon to be MIL. She never listens to our schedule that we have. Consequently, we end up with a VERY cranky child when she comes back from Nana's house. I don't know how many times her and I have had to discuss this issue. Perhaps rather than just getting cranky for her asking these things, you should look at it from her point of view. As far as the helmet thing, I agree with biomom as well. I think the child should have had a helmet on. See, by NOT listening to her, you are disrupting her authority with the kids. This causes problems when the kids come home. They pull the, "but dad lets me" card.. and then the mom ends up the "bad guy' because she is trying, continued below..

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 1:57 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • to instill some rules and authority, inorder to instill some morals and values. I suggest sitting down with bio-mom, and asking the childrens schedule, and why she has it worked out that way, and telling her the schedule you have with the children. You'd be surprised how working together can AID in helping these children develop properly, rather than just saying, "oh bio-mom is at it again, she mad that we didn't put the kids to bed when she said to.".

    In other words.. be adult about it, and discuss things with her. There are plenty of good reasons why she does what she does, and if you want the children to respect both their mother and father, and yourself equally, then I suggest you work as a team, together, to make things work, so that the children's lives are completely disrupted because nobody can agree on anything when it comes to them.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 1:59 PM on May. 31, 2010