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How would you feel about your husband saying this?

Imagine that you're pretty young (twenties) and have one child with your husband and he knows (and always has known) that you want more children someday, and that you wanted to start trying for number 2 when your firstborn was about 2 or 3. He's always gone along with the idea and been supportive of it, etc. Then one day, seemingly out of the blue, he announces that he does NOT want to have any more children and has been thinking about it for a long time, but this is the first time he's mentioned it to you.

How do you react? What does it make you feel?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:25 PM on May. 31, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Honestly that is a huge commitment to disagree on. If it was me I would find me another husband who wanted the same things that I did. I really do think if you don't, your gonna resent him for the rest of your life and doom the marriage anyways. yes, respect his wishes, but what about yours? Are you just suppose to give up on your dream, because your current husband doesn't agree with it? I don't think you should.

    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 9:26 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • I know mine doesn't necessarily want anymore but he lets me entertain the thought that we may have more. I would be deeply hurt if he did that to me. It just shows that he doesn't feel comfortable enough to fully communicate with you. That is something that you both have to work on. I am sorry that you are going through this and hope that you can come to a compromise.
    coala

    Answer by coala at 7:27 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • I would probably be disappointed. I would sit down with him and discuss why he's had a change of heart and if there was any possibility of him changing his mind back. If not, then I would be okay with it, but that's just me. Kids are expensive and a lot of responsibility.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 7:28 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • Well, my STBX husband and I wanted a bunch of kids and he knew this when we met. Actually, while we were engaged, we picked 2 girl and 2 boy names out. Much to my shock and surprise, the day I came home from the hospital with our son (less than a year after we got married), I am getting out of the car of course, quite gingerly, and he says from the opposite side of the car, "I thought about it and if you don't want anymore kids, I will get a vasectomy." My heart hit the floor and I had no idea he was even thinking of that stuff...my son wasn't even home from the hospital before he said it!! For 4 years I kept asking for another baby and he thought of every excuse to say no. Until all the things piled up and he wouldn't work with me so I decided on divorce. When I said that word suddenly he had baby fever...but it wouldn't help anything so I said no. I'm not sure why guys freak but believe me, one big issue is money.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 7:42 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • I would ask if we could feel it out & talk about it a lot over the next few months or years. He may change his mind. For a lot of men, when that first baby comes around, they freak out. All of a sudden, they realize that the baby is # 1 and everything in your lives revolves around the baby. When child # 1 gets a bit older, & he is a more learned parent, he might change his mind. You don't have to have another baby 2 years afer the first. If it would make him feel better, maybe try to aim having your kids more far apart. Maybe he could work with that idea. It's a very big decision though, you'll have to compromise & you both have to be happy with what you decide.

    My advice...be patient with him. Y'all are young, he is probably just overwhelmed with the new baby & couldn't imagine having another one just yet. That is very normal, he'll probably change his mind once he gets used to things.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 7:46 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • it would hurt but you have to respect his wishes. maybe ask to keep the subject open and get some form of long term bc and discuss it when the child goes to school.
    jennifer588

    Answer by jennifer588 at 7:52 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • OP here: Our baby isn't exactly new to us now. She'll be 2 in a few months. I asked him about having another later on, like after our daughter was in school and stuff, and he still doesn't want anymore. The subject came up when we were talking about money and being financially stable and whatnot. I mentioned both of us having a job (which we do, now that he found a good job) and more than making ends meet and having money saved, etc. Then asked him if maybe after that (in a couple of years at the earliest) he would be ok with us trying to have another baby and he all but went off about it and how he didn't really care how stable we were, he didn't want to have anymore kids and hadn't ever really wanted any to begin with (our daughter is the result of bc failure, even though I was taking the pill like I should and had been for several years).
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:03 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • I would talk to him about it and see where he is coming from. I didn't want another kid for a long time and my husband did., then i changed my mind, he was very supportive of my decision. think of if it was the other way around, how would you want him to handle it. he may change his mind or may not i would try to to worry about it too much unless you are going crazy wanting to start on the next one. My girls are 4 years apart. I do not think you have to have kids around the same age. the time will be right when you both agree. good luck
    TaiM

    Answer by TaiM at 8:07 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • I had that problem he said we could try again and when he thought I might be pregnant 9 years ago he stopped touching me. Even when he found out I was not pregnant. I would sit down and discuss it seriously and think about how you can compromise. Make sure you both get what you want because I did not I am thinking about ending the relationship and moving out. Work it out so you can stay in the relationship or figure out if he will not change his mind how important this is to you Im me or PM me if you want to talk?GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 10:24 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • I would be upset. Especially if he has lead me to believe there could possibly be more children in the future.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:11 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

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