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Should I let go of all ties with my Mother!!!!

Okay guys I first like to say please no bashing this is a semi-deep question. My mother has had a llife partner, we'll call her

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:32 PM on May. 31, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (10)
  • So... you dont want your kids around her because you dont like gay people?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:36 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • I don't think you should leave her out at all. I know what issues they "can" cause also; however, it will only become an issue with your child if you make it one. If it is at all possible, do not leave your mother AND her life partner out of your life and your childs life. It just isn't fair.
    pam

    Answer by pam at 7:38 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • 1 out of 10 people are estimated to be homosexual. It's not that rare. Sheila has been your mother's life partner for many years and should included as part of your family. Of course you don't have to explain homosexuality to a 3 year old. If you have issues with homosexuality then perhaps you need to work on that.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 7:40 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • I have always learned to go with my own tuition when it has to do with raising my kids. When I didn't listen to it I was always sorry. I don't think you are being selfish at all. Go with you feeling on it . There is always a reason for those feelings.......
    michelle146

    Answer by michelle146 at 7:40 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • You're not selfish! Everyone is entitles to their own opinion. I think that in my opinion, as long as the issue of being gay is the only issue that you have with her, then she should be okay to be around. Just sit down and have a heart to heart with your mom, and ask that she avoid holding hands and kissing on the lips. This way, your child will most likely view Sheila as an aunt or a friendly adult. The more you are open, the less your daughter might hold keeping her away from her Grandma later in life
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:40 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • You should do what is in your heart. I fully completely understand, how this totally tsunami's every thing that you feel important for your daughter, all of us here are supportive no matter what you choose. I feel in intuition that a woman has the right to choose what is best for her own child, if you just open up to your mom, it may help. I think that you are battling the right thing to do, and I don't blame you. I don't have any side to take, however where a child is involved it MATTERS what you expose her to. And what you say to her. You must make every effort to keep this issue between you and your child no matter what anyone will say or says. Nobody here is supposed to judge or point. And if only lesbians are answering this post than they are very selfish.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:43 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • To answer glamommo.....Yes I do feel Sheila is un-trustworthy, growing up her niece and I grew very close and she confided in me that Sheila had touched her inappropiately while bathing her.

    To answer the 2nd question
    Honestly I have no problem with gay people....its completely different when its YOUR MOTHER AND HER GIRLFRIEND. My mother has always placed her girlfriend before my brother and I. I remember a time period of 5 years of my adult life her girlfriend had no job and I paid my mothers rent and Sheila called me a b*** because I wouldnt pay to get her car fixed.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:45 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • I guess my question is do your mom and Sheila "flaunt" their relationship in front of everyone? Like are they groping each other or even holding hands in public? Not that I have a specific problem with this, but I wouldn't want to answer my 7 and 8 yos if they asked questions about that...nevermind my 3 yo. If not, then you could just say this is Nana's friend, Sheila. And leave it at that. My grandmother had a best friend, they did everything together, my grandmother was divorced, but the friend was married and they weren't lesbians together, but I was around the friend a lot...it was just that, my grammy's friend. Could Sheila just be seen as a family friend? Or do they make it obvious that they are a couple?
    And if you have ANY concern that she would do anything inappropriate with your DD then NEVER leave your DD alone with her...but if you are not positive, then that is a strong accusation.
    TJandKarasMom

    Answer by TJandKarasMom at 9:14 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • How old are you now OP? This woman has been a part of your life a quasi-parental figure since you were 8 and you still don't consider her part of your family? Not to be too rude; but honestly I suggest you talk with a therapist about how to deal with your feelings about your mother's life choices.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:44 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • this is OP- I am 21 now but I have been on my own and taking care of my finances alone without my mothers help since I was 16 mainly because of the differences between my mother, Sheila, and I. Due to sheila's lack of financial input I had to go through accelerated high school courses so I could finish and take care of the rent at 16!! I took care of my mother and when I became pregnant I decided to save my money for my new arrival that caused a rift between my mother Sheila and I because I got married and dedicated my wages towards my own home. I have went to counseling for my feelings towards Sheila, however my question is directed towards my childs innocence and I just wanted to see if anyone was in a similar situation as I.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:29 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

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