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should i let my daughter be driven by her friends 18yo brother?

my daughter's Amy who is 13's friend Jessica has a 18 year old son named Matt. I've heard a lot of talk (and read in the newspapers) that he is a "player" and drinks and smokes weed almost all the time, and has gotten arrested for possession, and other things. From what jess tells me, he'll always be willing to drive them to go get ice cream, to the movies, wherever they want to go. I'm very uneasy about the whole thing, knowing that
1. he is a teen driver, and a boy
2 He swears
3. He smokes ciggarettes in the car while they're with him
4. i've seen his car when i went to pick her up a few times. theres empty cig packs/condom boxes everywhere, some "dutches" which i know is what they use for blunts, and theres even bras/panties in the back of it.

i know he wouldnt try anything with her, im just uneasy about it. am i being too paranoid or making a good choice?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:45 PM on May. 31, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (9)
  • I wouldn't have an issue with him giving her a ride TO somewhere. Now, if they were just going "for a drive" that would be different, or if they didn't have any set destination because that's how trouble starts. But frankly if he were taking her to her friends house, to school or even a movie or something I wouldn't see a big deal...

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 9:48 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • If you don't trust him then no.
    If you trust thim then yes.
    It all comes down to trust. First have a talk with your daughter that his bad habbits are not to be immitated. That you expect X amount from her and know that she won't let you down.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 9:53 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • You have every right to feel uneasy, Mama. This boy sounds like a terrible influence for your daughter to be around, and there's a good chance he'll be drunk or under the influence of some drug when your daughter is in the car with him. It won't matter one bit if he never laid a hand on her when he wraps his car around a telephone pole.

    Stick with your guts on this one. Safety over convenience!


    Answer by anng.atlanta at 9:58 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • Honestly, I think I would be uncomfortable with it, as well. I have a 17 yr old ds, and he drives / takes his sisters friends places, so it's not that factor that bothers me. My concern would be that it sounds like he's not making good choices, so I would be worried about who else was in the car with them, what else was going on, etc.

    I wouldn't forbid it outright, but I would consider it on a trial basis, with guidelines. Like 1) only your dd and her friend (and maybe one other person -also one of their friends) in the car. Basically - he's only playing chauffeur, not he's out running around with his friends and his kid sister and her buddy tagging along. 2) you reserve the right to check on them - drive where they're going, etc, so you can see for yourself how he drives 3) you talk about the things that are in his car, and why they are bad life choices with her


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:58 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • cont

    4) as a pp said, it's only to go TO and FROM someplace, NOT to just hang out or cruise 5) you reserve the right to veto him driving her anywhere - trip specific or overall - with no arguments from her. Meaning - if she's at her house and they're going for ice cream, she gives you a quick call to let you know. That way, you can look out and see that it's a blizzard outside, and say no, not this time. Or, you can say "sorry, but he was ticketed for drag racing drunk the other day, and I don't feel comfortable with you riding with him anymore."

    All of those are things you need to talk to her about. I would ask him to not smoke when she's in the car.

    There are some teens that my teens are allowed to ride with, and there are some they aren't. Good luck!

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:02 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • NO!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:15 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • You really should listen to your heart about this! If you have that uneasy feeling! Than it is warning you that something bad might happen! Tell your daughter no! And tell why you don't want her in the car with the 18yr old boy!

    Answer by babyboomer1977 at 8:53 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • No. You don't know he wouldn't try something, btw. Teenage boys are walking hormones and there is no reason he should be alone or giving rides to a 13 year old.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:16 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • My daughter was invited to six flags for her friends b-day . Its is 3 hours away and the 18 year old brother is driving. I said nope,,,,,,,,at 18 he is not experienced enough ,,,needless to say she hates me now ,,,,,(shes' 13) not worth losing her !!!!!

    Answer by cameron536 at 6:07 AM on Jun. 3, 2010

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