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having trouble about this

so when i was pregnant with my first child, i was 17 and my husband was 28, and when i told him, he didn't want anything to do with it, i told my ex about it and he said that if i wanted, he can take over, but the week that i was going to say yes, my husband said he wanted to make a family, now we have 9 yrs. of being married, and i still go back to that day and think what would it be if i said yes to my ex, is it possible that i made a mistake of accepting my husband when i still love my ex? me and my husband are like totally opposites, we don't even like the same things, and i think he got married to me because my parents and church pressured him, can anyone plz help me i don't know what to do.

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cataquiroz24

Asked by cataquiroz24 at 10:07 PM on May. 31, 2010 in Relationships

Level 11 (600 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I really believe in making a marraige work...but I also 100% TRULY believe that life is too short. GO with your heart mamma. If you are unhappy, MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY. Chances are if you're miserable, your husband feels that too. Discuss seperation with him if you believe you belong with someone else.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:11 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • another thing, my ex has a family a family already so i can't go back with him, eventhough he did wait for me 4 yrs. after i got married to see if it worked or not, and when i didn't get a divorce he found someone to fill that hole he said, his family was the ones who told me about that.
    cataquiroz24

    Answer by cataquiroz24 at 10:14 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • oh honey, I'm the first poster....even if it's not with your ex, (and that sucks cause it sounds like you do love him)....you need to be happy. life is TOO short. and it will reflect in your kids. Trust me. my parents were married 17 years and were unhappy....it has affected every relationship that my sisters and I have had
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:35 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • You need to be honest with yourself.
    Is it that you don't know what could've been with your ex and that's why you're still holding onto those feelings?
    Have you not been happy with your current for the last nine years? I mean, you have been with him for nine years, so something must've been keeping you there.

    There are answers to these questions and only honest answers will lead you in the right direction. You have to really set up the big picture. Your husband being a polar opposit from you isn't a good argument, because opposits do attract. You don't have to be the persons figurative twin to be with them. So X that from your reasons. Don't hold onto feelings of your ex if all they are, are a "What If" slideshow. You'll never know what could've happened back then. If what you have with DH isn't working now, then it's because of that relationship. Not because of your ex somewhere out there still. (Contin)
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 10:59 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • (Contin) Why did your husband ask to start a family with you, and is that the only reason you agreed to be with him? You were ready to be with your ex, yet you decided to be with your husband. You need to be honest with yourself and answer these questions, because you aren't seeming to see the life that YOU chose. You made the choices that you did for a reason. What were those reasons? Your ex will always be out there somewhere and it will drag you down to hold onto the "What If". I know this from experience, so chalk it up to one to the wind.

    Again, if you're not happy in the relationship that you're in now then it's because of that relationship. Figure out what makes you unhappy about it and work on it. You made your choices, so own up to them and let the past go.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:02 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • i'm leaving my so because i'm not happy. we have a son together. it sucks because my son won't get to see his dad everyday but i can't take the unhappiness anymore. i agree with anon. life is too short to be unhappy. do you wan to look back on life and remember only unhappiness? i didn't think so. believe me if you honestly want to leave you will be alot happier. the hardest part is leaving.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:03 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • I think that until your child is grown, your happiness is not #1 priority. A kid needs his/her dad.
    Pnukey

    Answer by Pnukey at 11:10 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • No. Happiness should be your #1 priority, among many. They have equal parts.
    If you're not happy, your kids WILL sense it, and as much as I agree with Pnukey on a kid needing his/her dad... doesn't mean they should see a relationship where they think it's okay to set aside their own emotions and, probably, well being thinking that it'll benefit the child.
    Just because his/her parents get a divorce, doesn't mean the kids are divorced from their parents as well.

    I would've been true to myself from the very get-go, but, that's life, we always tend to realize our mistakes when they've been made. Here's your chance though. If you're not happy, and you're honestly not happy, and you don't think there's any other alternative... follow your heart this time around. *hugs* Good luck, Momma.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:47 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

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