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my MIL acts like she is the mother to my 1 yr old son...always disrespecting me in a "pretending to be nice way!"

my mil always slips and calls herself mommy to my son and she is teaching him some basic words which is great who doesnt want their kid to learn new things but she does it so she can brag that she and only she taught him... she is constantly trying to compete with me. i know i am the mother and my son knows it but what can i do to make her stop...the stress is putting a strain on my relationship! we talk to her but she ignores us. also she is constantly telling me that my son is sick or has a problem (developmentally) and i assure you he does not. im sick of her refusing to acknowledge that he is MY son. i know it might be nit picking but i cant help that its making me mental...

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:02 PM on May. 31, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (18)
  • continued......mind u these r just thiongs on the top of my head the list is so long...i just need her to stop those arent even the worst of the things she has said or done....she refuses to give him anything the doctor perscrbes like lotion or drops...instead she uses her household crap and she wont feed him the food i prepare for him ony food she prepare at her house and when i pack his jammkies she wont put them in them because she says they smell like smoke mind you we havent smoked for 2 yrs...i hate this women and want her out of my life but i wont do that to my son or what else can i do?

    Answer by april262009 at 11:07 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • I had to tell my mom to back off because she was trying to tell my SO I was not a good mother and he better watch me. The truth was she wanted it to be her with my son. You have to also limit her access until she acknowledges your the mother. It will be hard but if talking does not work you have to go to the next level to maintain your own sanity. GL Momma


    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 11:08 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • Sweetie did you realize the last part wasn't in Anon?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:10 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • Have your husband talk to her. Tell him what you've told us. It's best if your mom hears this from her son.

    After giving my SO's mom the cold shoulder for 1.5 years for trying to ruin my relationship with him, she now knows when to keep her fat trap shut. She still can't shut the hell up. For example, this past Easter, we were over at her house, and I mentioned that I wasn't potty-training my daughter (22 months at the time) until maybe this coming winter. She says, "Well I think she can go potty now!" Then she quickly kept quiet. She knows that she can get the cold shoulder again if she doesn't learn to be quiet.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:10 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • I would stop sending your son for overnight visits and only have supervised visits for now on. If she asks why tell her the truth that you can't trust her to respect your wishes for your child.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:11 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • That would absolutely drive me insane. I would tell her to back off, and that first and foremost, he is YOUR child. I would also tell her that you have everything under control, and that if you need her help, you'll let her know. My MIL started stuff like this for a little bit, and I had to politely put her in her place.

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 11:13 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • hahaha! u forgot to post ur continued question in Anon! lolz, now just cross ure fingers that none of ure inlaws are on this website :P and the worst part is .. u have ure pic up! lolz

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:28 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • Well first of all I think you should try and have your DH talk to her first. After all its his mom and so he should handle it. I would never make my fiance take something up with a member of my family, so I would hope he wouldn't make me do it ya know? Maybe if DH tells her, she'll listen. If that doesn't work, you could try giving her an ultimatum. Tell her that if she doesn't start respecting your wishes, then she doesn't need to see your son anymore. Maybe that will straighten her up. And if she tries to bust out some grandparent's rights crap, you just let her know that there's no such thing if you and DH agree that you don't want her seeing your son. I know if someone was going against my wishes with my child, they wouldn't be seeing my child anymore. I don't know where these crazy ass in-laws get off by acting like this. Honestly. Its plain ridiculous.

    Answer by Ash9724 at 11:31 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • It's time to put a little distance b/t your family & your MIL. If she wants to visit at your house, fine, because this can limit her interactions with your DS. If you want to take him for a visit to her, keep it to once a week or less, because you need your family bonding time w/o MIL's interference & stress. Her not following doctor's orders regarding your son is completely unacceptable in my book. Whether she agrees or not w/what the doctor wants is totally irrelevant because you are the mom & you agree. Also, her totally disrespecting you about your feeding & care choices is also completely unacceptable, because as your child grows, this behavior on her part will continue and get worse. What if he ends up with a food allergy & she decides she doesn't believe it and gives him the very food he is allergic to? (my MIL did this!) Create some distance, then talk to DH about family boundaries, then talk to MIL about it together.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:35 PM on May. 31, 2010

  • lol u caught me guys heres my true i know the first one wasnt suppose to be anon!!!

    Answer by april262009 at 11:36 PM on May. 31, 2010

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