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i dont know how to handle this

my 19 yearold daughter maybe pregant. i read her text messages in her phone. she doesnt know i know. she already has a three year old son from a priveous bf. the father of this baby has a 5year old daughter. my daughter had such a hard time with her first pregency. im worried she may go through the same problems. she has a hard enough tking care of her son,going to community college and working part time how does she think she can take care of two kids at her age.i know the babys dad will be there for her. but even hes nervous they hadnt been dating long. im just afraid shell quit school. she wanted to be a special education teacher. i know ill love this grandchild as much as i do my other 3. i guess i just wish shed waited.

Answer Question
 
stressedoutgran

Asked by stressedoutgran at 4:50 AM on Jun. 1, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 15 (2,324 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • HUGGLES HONEY, there is nothing you can do but be lovingly supportive. she is an adult and has to live with her choices.
    sati769leigh

    Answer by sati769leigh at 5:06 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • All you can do is be there and support her. My guess is that it was not on purpose. And Acciedents happen it just depends on how you handle them.
    IMAMOM2-2KIDS

    Answer by IMAMOM2-2KIDS at 5:28 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • does she have a hard time taking care of her first child or are you having a hard time taking care of it? Maybe if you are being the one taking care of the baby you should make her do it because she may not realize how hard it is. Maybe that will make her think twice.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 7:46 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • Maybe suggest she try a new birth control method?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:10 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • She needs to get as much education as she can before the baby gets here so quitting school wouldn't be a logical decision. Having children is what makes most people grow up. She'll be fine. BTW, I'm disappointed that you invaded her privacy. She's an adult. What if she read your phone messages? That was just wrong.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:23 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • If she is living with you it's time she move out. She is an adult and let her handle all the responsibilities that goes with it. The less you know the better. GL

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:55 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • There's nothing you can do! Just wait for her to announce it to you. I had a baby at 16 & life was extremely difficult. I was a super stupid kid & know that it could have happened before & again afterward, I just got lucky. One would think I would have learned the lesson once I had 1 baby at such a young age, but my stupidity was abiding & I didn't shake it for several yrs. There are options, you may want to have her consider. I knew a 16yo who was pregnant at the same time I was. Shehad TWO other kids already! She gave the 3rd one up for adoption & coincidently, the adoptive mother was my coach/teacher. This young lady could not have given her 3rd baby up to a better mom. If your daughter can't take care of herself & her child, (without your help) then it may be time to strongly consider adoption. Quitting school is NOT the answer. This will only perpetuate helplessness. She can do it-I graduated from university despite ...
    TLALONDE16

    Answer by TLALONDE16 at 4:26 PM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • being a teen mom and kicked out of my parent's house. I also didn't graduate from HS, but had to earn a GED. So I would say, NO MATTER WHAT HER DECISION is - EDUCATION IS THE ONLY WAY!!!!!
    TLALONDE16

    Answer by TLALONDE16 at 4:27 PM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • Well, I don't have much advice, but I can say that my sister (who has made a mess of her life) has 3 kids and was never ready for any of them. She never learned her lesson-- that you need money and stability to care for a kid and now my Mom is stuck buying diapers for her and basically supporting another family. If you help her out a lot, I would stop doing that. Enabling only makes them think they can keep popping kids out with no consequences. If my sister ever had to pay for childcare or food, she would have stopped having kids after the first 1, I guarantee it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:20 PM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • Yeah, I know how We as mothers would like to know whats going on in our daughters life. But your daughter is an adult now and you shuold respect her privacy, and stop going in her stuff. Who's taking care of your daughter's daughter now? your daughter or you? She's 19 not 16. She should be working part -time and And going to college pat-time and . taking care of her little boyAnd on her own. Just to see how hard life really is with kids. Only cause it sounds to me all she does is go to classes and has time to fool around. And your the one taking care of her little boy.I'm sorry to say this , but I don't see your daughter having any respondsiblity until she actually takes care of them herself. I'm not saying to not support her, support her all you want and can, but just to give her some tough love. Really she's only 19 she has one kid what makes her think two kids or more is going to make it any easier .?
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 9:52 AM on Jun. 3, 2010

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