Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I made him scrub the entire bathroom with cleaning spray and a rag and now my husband is mad!!!!

This weekend, we went to visit my mom with my entire family over there. Well, I have to pee so I walk in the bathroom and there is pee all over the toilet seat... all over the rug and floor next to the toilet. Well I'm freaking out thinking it was the little kids but oh no. I ask my stepson and he said that was him. I was like.. WTH.. Why didn't you clean it up? And his reply was.. I don't know. Well I made him wipe everything down with a wipe and told him if it ever happened again he'd be in trouble. So I get home and it happens again only it's worse. It's EVERYWHERE. So I get a rag and make him clean the entire bathroom. The tub, sink, floor, and mirror. I told him if it ever happened again that he'd be grounded for a month. He's 11. Entirely too old to let that happen and not clean it up. What would you do? I'm just shocked that he did this especially in a house where my entire family was! URGH!!!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:53 AM on Jun. 1, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (15)
  • if your dh is mad tell him it can be his job to clean the pissy bathroom then

    Answer by shay1130 at 9:56 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • I think making him clean the entire bathroom was a little extreme, but on the other hand he was warned, and you did start with just the toilet. why is hubby mad, does he think its unfair? did you say something to the step child that was over the top? you didnt say why dh is mad.....

    Answer by Bearsjen at 9:58 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • Sounds like he is being really defiante with you. I feel the punishment was great considering what the action was. Cleaning a bathroom he made a mess of. If your husband has a problem with you disaplining him tell your husband to do it. Its your house as well and he is living under your house when he does this. Its not fair for your husband to be mad at you for it when it was him that did something so disgusting. 11 years old and haveing an issue with it? No he just is doing it to do it cuz he's mad at something. Your husband probably just wants to be the good guy but its only going to make this child more defiant with you. You cant be a father and a friend.

    Answer by sam123333 at 9:58 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • OP here.... Yes, he's mad because he felt like it was extreme! I had warned him once already and I never said anything ugly to him. I just handed him the cleaner and the rag and told him to clean it up and start with the tub and mirrors first and that if it happened again, he'd be grounded. After he was done, I explained that he was too old for that crap and he was acting more like a small child than the pre teen that he is. My husband feels like no matter what he does here, it's excusable and that if I'm "mean" to him that he won't want to come back... But I explained that he works every single weekend and only spends a few hours with his child... while i'm the one at home every weekend so he should learn how to act!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:02 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • I think dh is being unrealistic about how is on should be treated. first of all that whole"wont want to come back if you are mean" the child should not have a choice, its dad's visitation, thats that, so even if he pulled that he would come. secondly does dh think that this wont get worse, that his son wont do bolder and more defiant things based on "dqad is afraid to discipline me"? now I am thinking the prob isnt your step son, its dh, because you cant let a child hold you hostage like that and he needs to step up and address it. good luck.

    Answer by Bearsjen at 10:05 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • I think making him clean the entire bathroom was unrealistic and extreme. He should have been made to clean up the mess he makes. It sounds like since you say his dad only spends a small amount of time with him because of his work schedule, maybe visitation should get changed. You don't want to have to be with him so much, you don't seem to have the best grasp on appropriate punishment for misbehaving and his dad doesn't want him to not want to come back. The discipline will either never get done one way or overdone (grouding for some piss on the toilet seat, so your husband never misses?) the other way. The problem isn't just your DH or SS.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:15 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • OP here... Anon 10:15.. IT wasn't just some piss on the toilet seat..It was all over the seat, the floor, running down the toilet like he was holding a firehose!!! And then knew it was there and didn't clean it up. What would you have done...?

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:26 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • I think the punishment should fit the crime-- so if he pees on the toilet and floor HE should clean it up! I have 3 boys and my middle is famous for peeing the toilet seat (he 'forgets' to lift it) and he also 'forgets' to flush. I think it is gross and when I see pee in the bathroom I have him come in and clean up (and flush) his mess.
    As for the stepson- I would not have had him clean the mirror/sink/tub unless he got pee on it. If your hubby does not like it that you made his son clean up after himself too bad. Maybe next time he pees all over leave it and let hubby see it and say "well your son peed all over again. You did not want me to discipline him for it, so YOU can be the one to clean it up!". Maybe if he has to clean up pee he will change his mind and tell his son to quit peeing on everything and clean up his own mess!

    Answer by MizLee at 10:30 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • I do NOT think the punishment was extreme at all. Id love to see the houses of the woman who think it is.
    You warned him & he was aware that you were serious bc u made him clean it the first time- the 2nd time he did it.. Id be HOT! So good for you for making him clean the whole bathroom. I bet he wont be doing it again!

    Answer by pinkcicle709 at 11:25 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • Having him clean the WHOLE bathroom is not right!!! You do not get mad you ask him questions. Maybe he is acting out? You shoudl sit him down next time he is there and CALMLY talk to him!!! You have no idea what happens with BM and you have no idea how he feels in gerneral. He is you step son and you need to remeber that. I have 2 step sons, both are 9 years old and sometimes they do things that make me wonder why they do not know it is not acceptable, however, I remember that they are not taught how I woudl teach someone. I understand something like that is a bit over the top, but ask him why. Maybe also talk to DH about it and he can help him. Maybe he is having problems with tha area and feels embarrassed and won't talk to you.

    Answer by delilahsmom1177 at 11:57 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.