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I just dont know what to do anymore...

I have a 20 year old son, who use to be a fun, popular, person who loved his family and community, he joined the Air Force, he is a fireman, an EMT... and now he is engaged to a HORRIBLE girl. She is 25, no job, talks down to my son, spends all of his money ( she spent his $10,000 he got from joining the AF in 1 MONTH !), she holds his keys and wallet and has to ASK her before he can go anywhere.

We ( me and my DH) thought if we let her move in too, that my son would see how she is and want to leave her and cancel the wedding. Well one day I found an ovulation pack and when i asked my son about it he got upset ( with her--he doesnt want kids until after they are married and he finished his oversees tour) Well they moved the wedding date back, but are still together. * Not to forget that she has told me and my husband that since we made our son move the date back we have to pay for it all *

*continued*

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:03 AM on Jun. 1, 2010 in Just for Fun

Answers (11)
  • now my son has work hours that he will work for like 3 days straight ( then be home for 4 days) .... while he is gone she is even more horrible... she walks around the house throwing things, yelling at me and my husand ( forgetting that this is OUR house) ....She knows she has my son whipped and that we are afraid she will talk him into moving far away and never talking to us again.

    The otehr night she told my husband ( well screamed at him) that she knows we dont want them to get married but too bad because its happening, and my husabndm told her well she better get a job to pay for the wedding then, since my son is already working 4 jobs, and she has NONE.... She replied by saying she is looking ALL THE TIME and that is all she does is look for a job.... well I dont know what she is talking about because she seriously doesnt get out of bed until 3pm...

    I feel helpless, I love my son but she is ruining all of our lives
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:07 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • Also the part where I said he works the 4 jobs and she has NONE ...I forgot to add in there, that she spends it faster than he makes it.... at 19 years old he had almost perfect credit ..and now it is very bad...and it is definalty because of her and her spending habits...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:11 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • sorry to say but ure son is stupid and blind not see all this !!!! if she's doing all this behind his back then secretly tape her when she's throwing one of her ''usual'' tantrums and show it to him. and make him understand that u both dont approve of her and he better make a decision .. and quick !
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:12 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • Looks like plan A backfired. Love is blind sometimes isnt it? Although you cant run sons life, you can run your househook the way you want to. Just as you would give ultimatums to your own adult child who was acting this way, so she gets rules of the house as well. If she cant abide by them, kick her to the curb. Sit down with son and have a heart to heart talk with him about her behavior. Heck, I would tape it. Let him watch her rant and rave in one of her tantrums. I would also suggest family counseling for you and hubby, and if son and she want to come that would be great, but you guys really need to take care of yourselves before your marriage is put at stake here.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:14 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • OP

    He knows how she is...he did break up from her once, and he was so nervous before, he made sure he did it in a public place, but he is literally afraid of her ( her and her family are whack-jobs) ...she wouldnt leave hi m alone and they got back together 2 days later
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:15 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • I have 3 sons, ages 30, 27 and 22. Your son has a job, there is NO REASON he and his girlfriend should be living with you. Give them a week to find another place to live. Tell your son he is welcome to stay but she is out in one week. He may be upset but if he is as great as you say he is, it won't last.


    It's not your responsibility to pay for the wedding. Her family can pay for it or they can pay for it. You can get married for $100 and be just as married.


    Don't walk on egg shells because you are afraid she will take him away. Hope he sees her for what she is before any kids are involed. Hope you raised him to be smart enough to not ruin his life.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 11:18 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • gaill - they literally have no money because she spends it faster than he makes it -- she writes checks ( in his name) and gets money before it is even in the bank - resulting in bank fees he has to pay for ..... I even had to pay for his Dr appt and meds last week because he had a balance of -27.98...

    I really believe he is with her because he is afraid of her...I feel like it is an abusive relationship !
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:23 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • I agree he's in a bad relationship.

    The hard part is your control over the situation is next to zero as much as you'd like to be able to put your foot in it's not going to work until he sees it for what it is and wants to change it.

    I think you should sit down at dinner with him privately, respectfully and calmly bring up your concerns. Make it known you're intentions are not to attack him or his girlfriend. That you see this as a possible/likely huge mistake for his future. That maybe he should wait to get married, because if she abuses his money now, can you imagine after a divorce?

    She's trying to get pregnant obviously, and he cannot trust that she's taking pregnancy pills. Her doing that behind his back is a huge red flag she's trying to entrap him into a long term relationship a forever attachment.

    He should really look into that as a sign. Maybe he could meet someone in the airforce that's a better fit? sorry.
    Skepticchick

    Answer by Skepticchick at 11:31 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • I was in a relationship not different from this one. My parents finally cut me off. We never did live with them or anything like that but the loser I was with spent all my money and wouldn't hold down a job. They talked to me about leaving that piece of crap but I didn't listen, just like your son is not listening. He doesn't see that his life will be better without her. All he sees is that he'll be alone, without a significant other. I think you should tell them that she has to live somewhere else, NOW, but he is welcome to stay. Tell him privately to get a restraining order against her crazy a** and tell him one more time that you and his dad are there for him. He might not listen but all you can do is try. You and your husband have been very nice about all of this insanity. Even if he does go, he'll be back. Eventually the supressed side breaks free. Let him know he has a place to come back to.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:40 AM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • Hey momma first (((HUGS))) she only pushes him around because she feels she can talking about her to him at this stage will only push them closer together. I would talk to them about marital counseling before they get married . Saying something will . I would start recording or buy a cam corder hide it and start to tape what she is doing. My son was dating a girl who was crazy she would text him or call him 100 times a day and if he did not answer she would text me and call me I would be at work or in class and she would go all day after we had proof it made him step back  on his own terms now he has a nice girl. You can only cross your fingers. GL Momma

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 12:15 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

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