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How does one feel comfortable in a relationship?

I am really insecure. I try not to be, and the odd thing is, when I am not in a relationship, I feel great about myself. I know the positive attributes I possess (as well as the negative) and I know I'm a good person. But, when I'm in a relationship, I'm constantly wondering why they would want to be with me, and how they could not be wanting to be with someone else. I don't get this. I look at "older" married couples and envy how they must feel so comfortable with each other. I am recently divorced and was separated from my ex for a year before dating again. All said and done, I have been out of my marriage for almost 2 years. I have been with a man for 8 months, and I still worry that I don't look good enough, I'm not what he wants, etc. He has never indicated any of that to me, so I don't know what the heck my problem is. Any advice?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:38 PM on Jun. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Mind control,

    when you start to think that way stop your self from doing it-mediatate, redirect your mind. You sound confident enough-eventually you won't think that way anymore as much, but when you do just mediatate.

    Trust me it works wonders!!!

    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 1:43 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • I think its all about trust. When you truly trust someone with all your heart and soul. You can then be comfortable with yourself and your relationship.
    voni681

    Answer by voni681 at 1:58 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • First of all you need to find it in yourself that you are who you are. You need to except who you are. Like yourself before you allow someone else to be in your life. Love yourself you are a great person write a list of the good things about you and then write a list of the things you don't like and fix the things you don't like.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:00 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • OP- How do I gain that trust? He has done nothing to indicate I cannot trust him. He's not perfect, no one is, but he has never given me an indication that I cannot trust him. So, why can't I do it?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:07 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • i think you have to remember how confident you are and how you trust yourself then go from there.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 2:52 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • He's with you isn't he? That should be proof enough. (that's what SO used to say to me so now it's my philosophy too when I get insecure)
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:58 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • Save everything nice that your bf has ever said to you or texted you! The guy that I'm seeing now tells me that I have a good head and a good heart and that I'm not like all the other girls out there. He shows me that he likes my body and he always tells me that he appreciates what I do for him! Just remind yourself all the time of how great you are!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:02 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • Try divorce counseling. Many churches offer it. There is a reason your marriage ended and you don't want to think about it but you learned things that are guiding you now. My ex told me I had fat legs and should never wear shorts. In reality he was afraid other men would look at me so he made me self conscious long after he was gone.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

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