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How can I get my son to behave?

I'm ready to give up! My son will be 10 in July. He is an only child. I am unable to have any more. I just don't know what to do with him any more. At home, he is a nightmare. He NEVER listens. If I yell, talk softly, ask nicely, threaten him, whatever, he just don't listen. He doesn't give a reason for not listening other than he doesn't want to. School is just as bad. He is constantly in in-house suspension. His teacher told me last week that he has not completed enough work to pass 4th grade, but when I asked if he is staying back, she said no! She said she doesn't keep kids back because they have a higher rate of dropping out. Also, he is too smart to be kept back. I see her point on both issues. He is very smart, just refuses to do the work. But every year, he is told that if he doesn't do the work, he won't pass. And every year he doesn't do the work and he still passes! I have no idea what to with him!

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dastephan6

Asked by dastephan6 at 4:02 PM on Jun. 1, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 3 (24 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • He sounds like my son. It sounds like ADD to me. Has anyone suggested that you talk to a doctor about it?
    mompam

    Answer by mompam at 4:06 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • I tried to a few years ago. They had me try an outside behavior program first. of course, he was an angel when they were around. so they said he was fine.
    dastephan6

    Answer by dastephan6 at 4:08 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • Well its called taking away the things he likes to do. My parents and I call them restrictions. Only way to get any thing back was to listen and do what I need to do. Things like Tv Computers, videos outside time and etc. Yet you can put him in summer school. That any day without doing the required work means nothing to do. I hope this helps as it was meant too.
    CloudWeaver

    Answer by CloudWeaver at 4:09 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • Have you had him tested for a disorder that may be causing it? My grandson was acting out but he said he didn't know why he did things so we had him tested. It turned out he has ADHD. Don't be too hard on your son. Find the reason. It could be just hormones and puberty. Talk to his doctor and see what he/she thinks is going on
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:09 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • tried taking away things he likes. he currently has no electronic or swimming for just about 2 months now. i have tried taking everything i can think of away and his only response is "i don't care". i was told he will not be excepted into summer school because he is to smart, wasting time there when he won't do the work is pointless.
    dastephan6

    Answer by dastephan6 at 4:11 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • My son also does not care at all when we take things away. It's like out of sight, out of mind with him. I would talk to the doctor about ADD. You can both learn how to better deal with it. Good luck!
    mompam

    Answer by mompam at 4:13 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • I have a 10 year old son.For 9 of those 10 years, he was an only child.He acts very similiar to what you have described. Everyday theres a new battle with my son. I think its a combination of things for us.1,only child..I spoiled him,lol.2, his father and I divorced,3,he's going through preteen syndrome BIG TIME,4 he was finally diagnosed with distruptive behavior..yes..they have a name for everything,lol.
    I had my son in counseling, and a mentoring program and he and I did some family counseling as well. I had him evaluated by a professional child psychologist...thats when we came up with distruptive disorder.I've done many things.I won't go into detail..theres not enough room or time here,lol. But the most recent thing is I'm listening to and reading about "LOVE AND LOGIC" it is a program for parenting.I can't change my son, but I can try to learn how to deal and redirect him.Maybe you can give that a try. loveandlogic.com
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 4:41 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • Take him to see all the homeless people on the streets,even if you have to drive far. Have him talk to counselors,or maybe even get him involved in something in your community helping the poor. My kids have seen first hand how important education is and that laziness isnt gonna get them anywhere. Not all poor people are on the streets for laziness some are their because they owe IRS back taxes and just cant get ahead. Some are just plain lazy and refuse to do anything but. Maybe this will kick in something in your childs head and he will start thinking,but somehow you as a parent HAS to get your kid to care again.
    MarGeee

    Answer by MarGeee at 6:42 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • just an idea, try acting like you don't care. whenever he has something to say act mildly interested and give as small a response as you can. when he does something good still praise him but only half as much as you would want to. forget to do your "work". "Oh, I just didn't want to wash your favorite pants today", or make what you wanted for breakfast. He needs to learn that everone has to do their job in order for things to run smoothly. personally that's what i would do in your place, i have a 10 yo that loves mental warfare and i've had to learn to be sneaky with punishments.

    trying2survive

    Answer by trying2survive at 11:30 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • Everyone wants to label their kids ADD or ADHD when they dont listen. This has obviously been going on for a while. Its called lack of discipline. I bet he has a TV, he hangs outside with friend and he has really nice clothes. I bet if he came home to dinner and a room with a bed and dresser in it he would get his act together.
    lilmsnay83

    Answer by lilmsnay83 at 8:34 PM on Jun. 3, 2010

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